


Sundara

by Allanahloo95



Category: Beauty and the Beast (1991), Beauty and the Beast - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: AU, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:54:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 37,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24487804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allanahloo95/pseuds/Allanahloo95
Summary: Kylo Ren x OC AU Beauty and the Beast.Sundara never intended to be someone's property. She lived a good life with her father and older brother Poe Dameron. When her father is lost at sea along with their merchant ship and have debts to pay to the Lord of the land Kylo Ren Sundara musters the courage to work for the fearful Lord to pay off their debt while Poe goes and searches for their missing father and ship. Will she see the cracks in his mask? Lord Kylo Ren has never let a woman in after being scorned will Sundara be the one that gets through to him?*COMPLETED*
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s), Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 27





	1. Chapter 1

I never intended to marry; it was as plain as simple as that. I had no desire to be some man’s piece of property. No man in all of Alderaan would let me maintain the freedoms I had here at home. My father, Kes Dameron, encouraged my studying in the healing arts and in my cultural education, art and music though I never quite grasped music but I’m rather fond of listening to it. My brother Poe felt the same way mostly to please father and so my childhood was a happy one.

Father worked for the Lord of our land, Kylo Ren as his personal merchant as well as having his own shop in our market but Lord Kylo Ren was our main buyer. Father would leave for weeks or months at a time to bring the Lord back what he wanted. I hated him, he was the one man who brought my father to his knees with fear, some say that the Lord has a magic power that can make someone choke on the air they breathe or that he can levitate things in the air but I never believe what other people say but he did have the power to scare my father and for that I hated him.

“Do you really have to go all the way to Coruscant?” I asked, body leaning against father’s door frame. My father smiled without looking up at me, his eyes focused on packing.

“Lord Ren wants some silks and only Coruscant has the ones that he wants. He pays for our easy lifestyle ‘dara so if Lord Ren wants me to go all the way to Coruscant then I shall go without asking questions, plus with Poe working the store in the market you’ll have the entire house to yourself,” father glanced up at me knowing full well that I love my peace and quiet. I tried to hide a smile but it fell through. Father smiled with me and walked over to gather me in his arms.

“I shall only be gone for a month, two weeks there and two weeks back. I’ll write to you often so you know my whereabouts,” he promised, still holding me. I nodded and pressed my nose against his chest and took a deep breath. Firewood and mother’s perfume.

Mother died before I could form memories of her but father always wore her perfume before leaving on a trip, I think it was to have her closer to him while he traveled.

Taking in one last breath of him, I let go and stood to memorize his features, just in case. Father’s hair was a dark chocolate brown or cow dung as some would tease. His eyes were a light piercing green, it almost didn’t even look green and olive skin. I had a bad feeling about this trip but saying it out loud would be bad luck so I smiled and finally let him go.

Father turned for his belongings then together we walked to the door where I watched him get in the Lord’s carriage and off he went. When I could no longer see the carriage I turned back into the house and tried to find something to do but no amount of reading, practicing or healing could distract me. I needed air, plus I was running low on some herbs so it would be a productive trip. Walking was my instinctive go to but the herbs that I needed were closer to the Ren Estate so it would be a horse trip.

Ahsoka had been my mare, she was pure white with blue eyes and more importantly, she had speed. Once I had her saddled and ready, I hoisted myself on top of her and kicked her into a canter to put some distance between me and the house. The woods engulfed me and the breath that I had been holding finally released. Nothing made me safer than the woods, their constant cover of leaves and foliage gave me a sense of protection that I didn’t get with my father. I felt safe with my father but it was a different kind of safety, like as long as I obeyed him then I would be free to do what I like but the woods didn’t make me alter myself, they took me the way I was.

I pulled Ahsoka to a walk once we were fulled embedded by the woods. I closed my eyes for a moment and took in the fresh air. My shoulder’s fell to a point of relaxation that any bad feeling I came in with had disappeared. My eyes opened and all my calm had disappeared.

A dark man on a dark horse stood in the distance, far away enough that I couldn't identify him. He didn’t move nor did he make a sound, all he did was simply stare at me with dark eyes.

“What are you looking at?” I demanded loudly so he could hear me clearly. The man remained motionless like he didn’t hear what I said. Two things could happen, he could leave or he could attack. Thankfully I had confidence in Ahsoka’s speed but I had no way to anticipate the man’s horse or its strengths.

“Are you deaf?” I asked, my voice louder than before. The man looked behind himself, _so he_ could _hear me_ ; I thought to myself. “Yes, you, it’s awfully rude to stare at people,” I snapped again. The man remained silent then turned his horse around to leave. _What a curious individual._ After I made sure he had gone, I lost the feeling of safety and decided to go back home and come back another day, people wouldn’t die if I didn’t bring home any lavender today.


	2. Chapter 2

_Four Weeks Later_

According to his letters, father should be back in two days. This had been the longest month of my life and it was finally coming to an end. I needed to go into the market and grab some ingredients for Mrs. Jocasta so she could start preparing father’s return feast.

The wind had been blowing pretty hard all day and I prayed that it didn’t mean that a storm was on its way because storms had a knack for causing many ships to go down. Placing a shawl over my head and shoulders I braced for the wind and made it into town, which lined the docks so with the wind came an ocean breeze that over time I became addicted to.

A part of me wanted nothing more than to travel with my father but that’s where he drew the line. A woman’s place had been at home, not at sea, it had been the only thing father and I truly disagreed on so I never asked to go because I didn’t want to fight before he left on a trip but it was a dream of mine that would be fulfilled one day. Maybe I could convince Poe to take me.

“Windy day isn’t Miss Dameron?” Old man Tarkin asked, his back bent over some meat.

“Yes but I hope that the sea remains friendly, my father comes home in a soon,” I explained to the wrinkled and graying man.

“Well did you need anything?” he asked, straightening up and opening his arms wide.

“Yes, could I please have three pounds of salted pork?” I asked, fetching the coins I needed out of my purse. Tarkin grabbed the pork and wrapped it up before placing it on the counter. “Thank you.” I turned away from the counter only to be greeted with a pasty face blue eyes and fiery red hair.

“Good day Miss Dameron, how are we this morning?” Armitage Hux, second cousin to Lord Ren. I gave him a small curtsy and an even smaller smile, something about him never sat right with me.

“Good morning Mr. Hux, I’m fine thank you, plenty busy,” I answered, walking away from him but it was never that easy to get rid of Hux.

“Yes, your father is expected to arrive the day after tomorrow but you really shouldn’t be out in this weather, however I do like when strands of your hair wisp across your face, it makes you even more beautiful.” I bit my lips, compliments on my appearance made me uncomfortable.

It had been no secret that I was blessed with beauty, I had been reminded of it since I had been a child even my name Sundara meant 'beautiful' but people pointing it out started to make me feel more uncomfortable as I aged and I never knew how to respond.

“Thank you Mr. Hux but I need to be on my way, good day,” I curtsied again and walked away, hopefully fast enough to convey a message.

Finishing the last of my shopping, I decided to pop in at our store and check in on Poe. Peering inside the store, my hand froze on the handle. A man wearing all dark clothing and long black hair, I couldn't tell it had just been unruly or just wavy. It couldn’t have been the same man from the woods, but it was hard to be sure.

“You better hope he arrives or you’ll be in debt to me and that isn’t debt so easily paid off,” the man shouted. My instinct to rush to my brother’s aide almost took hold of me but Poe would never allow me to defend him, because of his honor, especially with father gone. I could hear my brother responding but couldn’t hear anything specific. If I couldn’t defend him with my words then maybe my presence would help. The man dressed like a gentleman, maybe he would act like one in front me and cease the yelling.

Twisting the door knob, I made sure to make a noise so that they knew I would be in the store. Poe peered around the large man and smiled at me.

“Hello brother, just came in to see you,” I called nonchalantly.

“His letter says that he’ll be here in two days time, please be patient,” Poe stressed. I moved closer to the conversation so I could have a better look at the man.

“He better be,” the man growled before turning away from Poe. The man’s dark eyes met with mine and I knew where I'd seen him from.

“You,” I breathed, blinking. He didn’t stare at me long this time and I didn't get a good look at him before stomping out of the shop. From what I did see, he had a scar across his eye and fair skin.

Once he was out of sight I turned towards Poe, who was running his fingers through his curly dark hair. “Poe that’s the man from the woods! The one who was staring at me! Who is he?” I asked, getting closer to him. Poe heaved a long drawn out sigh and shook his head.

“That dear sister was Lord Kylo Ren and he is impatient,” Poe responded. Dread filled me to the brim. “ ‘dara, are you alright? You look sick,” Poe noted.

“I’ve made a huge error. Poe if that man is Lord Ren then I’ve insulted him. Remember me telling you about the man in the woods? I yelled at him a few times before he turned around and left. Is that why he’s in here, yelling at you? Because of me?” I asked, biting my bottom lip.

“What? No, he probably didn’t even recognize you but pray he never does. That man has a wrath that I’ve never seen before, it’s a wonder father has the courage to face that man,” Poe responded mindlessly.

“Are you close to closing up for the night? Mr. Hux is in the market today and I don’t have the energy to endure him wanting to walk me home.” Poe remained bent over the account books, which answered my question.

Walking behind the counter, I looped my arm around his and pulled him gently to drag his attention away.

“Poe, don’t work too late tonight. Father is proud of you, you’ve done great work while he’s away. He’ll be home soon,” I assured him. Poe nodded and lightly squeezed my arm.

“You’re right,” he responded softly.

“Now take me home please.” Poe nodded again then stood up straight, took his arm out of mine and cleaned up the shop. I helped with the sweeping while he put the books and money away in the safe.

Dark clouds had taken over the sky by the time we locked up and the ocean waves moved in unpredictable patterns. Anxiety grew in my chest and the same bad feeling I had on the first day of father’s absence came crawling back.

“We better hurry if we want to beat the storm.” Poe grabbed my arm and walked back to the house but not before the rain came, drenching us.

“I hope father isn’t caught in the storm,” I called when we reached our house.

“I’m sure he’s fine, get in the house,” Poe yelled back over the thunder.

Opening the door and going directly towards the fireplace I noticed a letter sat on top of the mantle. It had been from the last port father was supposed to stop and check in at. Opening the letter my eyes watered and my heart beat broke into pieces. Father had never made it to the last check in point. The only reason why he wouldn’t have checked in is if something bad had happened to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Star Wars or its characters, all rights belong to Lucasfilm and Disney Studios


	3. Chapter 3

It had been weeks and no one had heard a word from father, people started to say that he died at sea, some say that he took Lord Ren’s silks and lost them in a game of cards or that he simply took off with them to start a new trading company. I refused to believe anything that was being said but the thoughts often crossed my mind and made my body shiver.

Lord Ren came to collect what he was owed in lost assets only a day after the ship had been reported as missing. Poe and I had been forced to sell our belongings and move to a smaller house with no servants. I didn’t mind that so much but what hurt was selling Ahsoka to Armitage Hux, he didn’t know the first things about horses and in my heart of hearts I knew that I had sent my beloved companion off to the slaughter.

“After giving him everything we have it still isn’t enough!” Poe shouted, banging his fists against the wall of our smaller and more cramped dining room - if you could call it that.

“Well we haven’t given him everything, we still have father’s shop -”

“No,” Poe hissed with disgust. He turned to face me and held up a finger. “I will never give that monster father’s shop,” he growled. I had never seen this side of Poe, angry, full of hatred and it scared me.

“I can still try to find a job then we-”

“No, I won’t have my own sister working like some common person,” Poe still had some acidity in his voice but not as much as before. I sighed, discontented with his answer. Folding my arms across my chest I sat down at our small table.

“Poe you must see reason, you can’t possibly-”Poe interrupted me to sit across from me, his dark brown eyes holding mine.

“I will provide for this family.” he promised with such vigor it’d been like he was trying to convince himself more than anything.

Rolling my eyes and shaking my head I stood up from the table to check on the stew that had been cooking over our fireplace. Thank goodness father required Jocasta to teach me how to prepare food or else we would be eating bread and nothing else. While stirring everything together, my brain searched for any and all ways we could get out of this situation but so far nothing had made any sense. A dark curl had fallen over my shoulder, setting the spoon against the pot I quickly moved any and all hair out of my way when an idea struck.

“How much do you think I could get for my hair?” I asked, absentmindedly, resuming my stirring patterns.

“Not nearly enough plus it’s out of the question, my best hope for you is to get you married to someone rich and respectable then it’ll just be me,” Poe answered without giving it much thought. Blinking, I tried to come up with something smart to say but Poe saying that the only thing I was good for was marriage even after seeing me in action upset me more than anything else.

Shaking my head I went back to stirring the stew and decided that there wasn’t anything else I could add. Lifting it off and away from the fire, I moved the pot to the middle of the table and made sure to slam it down so Poe knew that I was angry. Poe looked up from the table, making eye contact with me, confused.

“Let’s get one thing clear,” I started with a low growl. “I am just as capable at helping this family as you are,” I snapped quietly. Poe sat back in his chair, crossing his arms.

“Oh are you? Have you ever run the shop by yourself? Have you ever looked at the accounts and collected on money that’s owed to us?” he questioned with just as much acidity in his voice as me.

“I could figure it out, I was educated the same as you Poe Dameron and I will not be pushed aside, what would father say?” I demanded. Poe slammed his hands on the table before standing up and got closer to me. Poe didn’t intimidate me, he never could intimidate me.

“Well father isn’t here is he?” Poe shouted, looking down at me.

“That shouldn’t matter,” I spat back, rising to meet him.

An obnoxiously loud knock ended our quarrel and I went over to the front door to open it. Lord Kylo Ren stood at our threshold with a frown that would take the smile off of anyone else’s face, thankfully I hadn’t been smiling. I should’ve been afraid of him, he held our entire life in his fingers, but looking up at his cold brown eyes I had nothing but pity for him.

“Lord Ren,” I greeted him with a quiet voice and opened the door wider, inviting him in. Poe immediately stiffened, he’d been afraid. Lord Ren stalked inside and marched right up to Poe, not giving me any kind of acknowledgement.

“You still have debts to pay and I’m here to take anything of value you have starting with that sorry excuse of a shop,” he demanded, his voice deep and authoritative. Poe tried to stand taller than Lord Ren but it would be impossible, Ren had been considerably taller than Poe and he loomed over him like a shadow.

“The shop is the only income we have, if you take that then we’ll never be able to repay you fully - we’ll be ruined,” Poe begged. Lord Ren got closer to Poe, I imagined that Poe could feel Lord Ren’s breath on his cheek.

“Your father should’ve thought of that before running off with my merchandise,” he sneered.

I knew my place in public, I knew that my place was to keep quiet. I knew that if I said anything it would embarrass my brother, dishonor him even. However, I refused to let this man come into my home and disrespect my father.

“How dare you,” I snapped. Poe’s eyes grew with fear as he glanced towards me. Lord Ren turned his attention away from my brother and towards me. “My father is not a thief. He would never abandon his children,” I pressed further without blinking or breathing. “We have given everything to you and still isn’t enough. I’m sure some damn silks don’t nearly cost what you’ve taken from us. You’re rich you could more than easily-” my ears started to ring and my cheek stung; Lord Ren’s gloved hand still hung in the air.

“Your father should’ve taught you how to respect someone of a higher rank,” he spat quietly. “I have shown mercy. By legal right I could have you both thrown into prison but I haven’t,” Lord Ren added.

“My father is out there, I know he is,” I spoke again, quieter but full of vigor. My hand cradled my cheek for a moment longer then I dropped it to my side and stood taller. Lord Ren smiled, not a genuine smile, a mocking grin.

“Would you care to wager on that?” he asked, standing back on his heels, his arms folded across his chest.

“My brother could go out and find him in three months and he’d still have your silks,” I challenged.

“Sundara don’t-” Poe started but Lord Ren hadn’t given him a thought.

“Too long, one month,” he argued, his eyebrows raised with interest. His back arched forward to meet me at eye level.

“Month and a half, gives him time to look and get back.” Lord Ren straightened his back.

“If he doesn’t?” Lord Ren asked.

“Throw us both in prison,” I concluded simply. Lord Ren’s dark eyes stayed on mine, he was considering it.

“ ‘dara please,” Poe whispered, desperate but I never broke away from Lord Ren’s gaze. In some respects I guess you could say he was terrifying. Most notably had been the scar on the side of his face. It started at the base of his forehead and went down past his neck, his clothes covered the complete length of the scar. Women of weaker constitutions would have fainted but I didn’t have any such thing.

“I need something from you, insurance. Who’s to say that I agree with this then you and your brother flee the country and I don’t see you again,” he challenged again. I hadn’t thought about running away with Poe but he made a good point. The idea came to me quicker than it should have.

“Take me and use me as an indentured servant. I’m a healer and I know how to cook.”

“Done. Starting tomorrow your brother has a month and a half to find and bring back your father and the silks. I’ll make arrangements and you will report to Mrs. Tano in the morning before dawn.” I held my hand out, waiting for him to shake it, he looked down at it then back up to me.

Something flickered in his brown eyes, it could’ve almost been mistaken for warmth but it had been so fleeting that as soon as I noticed it, it had disappeared. Lord Ren stole a threatening glance at Poe before turning on his heel and marching out of the house. As soon as the door had closed Poe had grabbed me by the shoulders and spun me around.

“Are you out of your damn mind?” he hissed. Anger bubbled up inside me as I shoved his arms off of me.

“I just saved our necks,” I spat at him. Poe laughed once, paced in a small circle, his fingers combing through his hair.

“You just condemned us! What if he’s right and father abandoned us? You’ve just guaranteed our prison sentence.”

“Father did not abandon me - us. If I could be the one to go out and find father then I would but you and I both know that you have to be the one to do it. I’ll be fine, just bring our father home,” by the end of the sentence my voice had shriveled into a soft whisper. Poe’s face relaxed, he nodded and wrapped his arms around me.

“I’ll find him or find out what happened to him,” Poe assured me, pressing a small kiss to the top of my head.

Our fates were sealed and everything depended on Poe finding our father. I prayed that I had done the right thing for our family. I knew one thing for sure, I would not sit idly by, waiting for life to begin and I would not let Lord Kylo Ren scare me out of the future I wanted.


	4. Chapter 4

I didn’t bother going to sleep that night, instead I sat next to the fire with my father’s favorite book in my lap.  _ War and Peace _ by Leo Tolstoy. I thumbed its pages before stopping on a passage and read. By the time my eyes were too tired to remain open, the soft light of dawn had filtered in and the fire from the night had completely died down. It had been time for me to leave. 

Wandering into my bedroom, I grabbed the simplest frock I owned, stripped from the dress I had on and took off my corset, thankfully it wasn’t something I’d be needing any longer. Once I had finished with that I grabbed a plain black ribbon and tied my curly brown hair back into a low ponytail. 

I didn’t know what I’d need as an indentured servant but I figured a brush and  _ War and Peace _ would be the two things that I needed and being honest, it’s all I really had left. Taking a deep breath I waited for the impending fear of serving Lord Ren to settle in but it never came, just resolve to help my family. A knock brought me out of my trance and laid eyes on my brother who was dressed for a journey. Maps and backpacks, a coat and a rolled up blanket covered his outward appearance. I smiled at him and then went into his arms.

“You can do this Poe, I know you’ll find father.” Poe sighed dejectedly. My brain sprang with anger. I pushed away from Poe so that he’d look at me in the face. “You know, I find your lack of faith disturbing,” I snapped. Poe’s eyes and eyebrows softened, his mouth relaxed.    
“I know, I wish I had the same amount of faith that you did but you don’t know father like I do and you don’t know what he’s struggled with while working for Lord Ren. So it wouldn’t surprise me if he had just left town to start over.” I shook my head, refusing to believe what I was hearing.

“I’m not an ignorant child Poe, sure I may not be father’s confidant but I know that the love he has for his children surpass his fear of Lord Ren and if he had wanted to run and start over he would not have left his children to reap the consequences.” Poe opened his mouth to rebuttal but he shook his head and closed it again.

“I pray you’re right. Come on, I’ll walk you part of the way.”

We walked in silence, not there was much to say anyway but at least some kind of effort on Poe’s part would have been appreciated. The glow of dawn grew, light started to filter through the woods. Dawn always gave me a sense of peace, it was like a fresh clean blanket that hadn’t been dirtied by the uses of the day. When I had been younger I would wake early to find Father reading Tolstoy outside in the light of dawn and he would read to me but as I grew older I got up early less and less.

Poe and I stopped, we had gotten to the crossroads where we would be parted for one month. On paper it didn’t seem like a long time but during and after the month our lives wouldn’t be the same. Poe and I stared at each other, both of us knowing that no matter what happened we would be different people when we saw each other again. My eyes softened and my heart sank while I wrapped my arms around his neck, fighting against my emotional nature. I bit my bottom lip hard so that I wouldn’t cry.

“I’ll find out what happened to him, don’t worry but whatever you do ‘dara please just do what they tell you,” Poe begged, a sound that reminded me of a laugh and sob poured out of my lips. Pulling away from Poe I smiled, kissed his cheek then slowly moved away from him and walked backwards until Poe turned away, stalking towards the docks.

My emotions dried up after a while and I was able to resume my walk to the Ren Estate without trembling. It hadn’t been a long walk from the cross roads and the mere sight of it could make one’s blood run cold. The entire estate was gray, a miserable gray that just screamed ‘despair’ to all who could see it. Architecturally speaking, the estate was grand in every sense of the word. Tall, with a few columns out front and windows - _ so many _ windows. 

Taking in one last deep breath I continued forward and went past the gates and around the side of the building where I assumed the servants quarters would be. The humid feeling of a hot kitchen made my hair coil but I knew that I chose the right door. Women were buzzing left and right, I did my best to stay out of the way but I needed to find Mrs. Tano. 

“Are you lost dear?” A loud nasal voice asked. My eyes settled on a short plump woman with dark unkempt hair that struggled to be free underneath her cap.

“Um I’m looking for Mrs. Tano. I’m Sundara Dameron, I start working today,” I informed with insecurity trickling in my voice. My hands were getting sticky and the heat of the room had started to creep up my spine and neck, it wouldn’t be long until my frock would give my heat intolerance away. The plump woman's eyes grew with acknowledgement and she cleaned off her hands and made her way towards me.

“Ah Sundara yes, the master told us you were coming. I’m Mrs. Tano come with me and we’ll get you suited with a uniform.” Mrs. Tano waved her hand and turned her back when I started to follow. 

From the kitchen I was led to a hallway that had a door in the middle. With her keys she opened it and ushered me inside. Mrs. Tano wasted no time and had already started to filter inside a cupboard, pulling out pieces of clothing.

“We haven’t had a healer for quite some time and the last healer had been a rather large woman in the chest area so I’m not sure how these’ll fit. The master says that you can work in a kitchen, yes?” 

I nodded, “yes ma’am.” 

“Good, so when you aren’t healing you’ll report to me and I’ll give you a task.” Mrs. Tano turned back towards me, her dark eyes staring me up and down. I couldn’t tell what she was thinking and I so desperately wanted to know. Grabbing a cap out of the last cupboard, Mrs. Tano turned all the way back around towards me and handed me some clothes, all dark in color. 

“You put those one and leave your belongings in here, I’ll have one of the girls take it up to your bed,” Mrs. Tano directed before shutting the door behind her.

Wasting no time I shrugged out of my frock, thankful to take off the thick layer and striped further until I was completely naked. The first layer of my new wardrobe was a set of drawers then the chemise, which had no notable design on it, just got from a plain white cloth and sewn together, I placed my cap on top of my head and finally my black frock. The fabric had been a different texture from my own frock but still the same thickness. Shrugging it over my head I under realized what Mrs. Tano meant earlier about the last healer’s chest. The top had been immodestly baggy.

I first tried pulling the neckline higher but it would only sink back down past the neckline of my chemise. I needed something to secure the top together. Searching the room, I failed to find a single piece of clothing that would secure the top of my dress. A horrible idea struct. I knew this wouldn’t be a good idea but I was left with little to no other option. Bending down I grabbed the hem of my own frock and tore at it until I saw that it would be long enough. Standing up again, I straightened the neckline then secured it with my chin while my hands took the ribbon and fastened it under my breasts. The moment of truth. Standing up straight and dropping my hands to their sides, I watched the neckline and it seemed secure and as long as I fastened it every once in a while then it would remain that way.

Opening the door, I waited for Mrs. Tano to be impressed by my resourcefulness but watched as her eyes grew in horror.

“What have you done?” she asked, her voice shrill. My eyebrows nestled together, confused by the reaction. 

“Well you were right, the neckline went down past my chemise so I ripped the hem of my old frock and used it to secure the neckline,” I explained, slowly still confused by the response. Mrs. Tano’s eyes wandered all over my body, like her mind was working on how to fix the mess I made.

“It’s too late to do anything now - Master Ren wants to speak with you and I’ll tell you right now that he isn’t going to be happy about that piece of scrap hanging from you. When we get you settled you can sew yourself something more presentable. Come along,” she waved for me to follow her again. 

Exiting the kitchen we walked the darkened halls of the estate. Candles were lit and the curtains kept closed. No one could’ve even guessed what the color of the hallways were because of how dim the lights were. I had no idea where we were going exactly but we went down three hallways and up two staircases before stopping in front of a heavy door that had articulate designs carved into it. Mrs. Tano caught her breath, stood up straight, straightened her cap then softly rapped at the door. A muffled ‘enter’ came from the other side and Mrs. Tano slowly opened the door and inched her way inside.

“Master, the girl is here - Sundara Dameron.” She announced softly. 

“Ah, yes send her in, I want to make sure she’s presentable before we get her started.” Lord Ren’s voice had no harshness in it like the other times I had spoken with him. His voice was calm but still in command, velvety.

Mrs. Tano waved me in, with my head held high I entered the room, which appeared to be an office of some kind. In the center of the room a long desk with papers strewn all along it, a candle for light and two high shelves of books. Lord Ren sat in behind his desk with a quill in one hand and the other flipping a gold coin around his fingers. Lord Ren barely looked up from his work but then took a longer look, probably noticing my hack job. 

“Mrs. Tano what is she wearing?” Ren’s voice had risen with agitation. 

“I-I’m sorry Master Ren, it's the only uniform we had and as you remember Madam Hutt was  _ well endowed _ \- if you know what I mean so it didn't fit her modestly and she used the only thing available to her,” Mrs. Tano explained with quick breath. Lord Ren kept his eyes trained on me so I made it a point not to show fear or embarrassment. Lord Ren narrowed his eyes and unease took place of my confidence. 

“Take it off,” he ordered. Horrified by the request, I glanced at Mrs. Tano who stared at Lord Ren.

“Master you don’t mean...” Lord Ren’s eyes flared with anger and his jaw clenched.

“Of course not silly woman. I meant the scrap hanging from her ribs. Take it off and have her take in the dress herself,” he hissed. I knew I shouldn’t speak unless spoken to and I wasn’t about to break that rule on the first day but I had to do  _ something _ . Lord Ren went back to his letter but I kept my eyes trained on his messy black hair and used my fingers to fumble with the knot I created until the scrap fell into my grip and the top of my chemise and breasts were revealed. 

A loud gasp exited from Mrs. Tano and the only reason Lord Ren looked up from his letter. He stared at my exposed skin and undergarments but hardly seemed phased by it, which irritated me more. 

“Nice trick but it isn’t enough to get a rise out of me. Mrs. Tano take miss Dameron back to the kitchen, show her the work space and what’s expected. Then give her five lashes for impropriety,” he ordered calmly. I didn’t care about the consequences, my hate for this man made it worth it. 

“Right away, sir,” Mrs. Tano mumbled before gripping my upper arm and dragging me out of his office and back to the kitchen muttering the entire way. 

Back in the kitchen the stares of other kitchen maids and regular maids caught my attention but Mrs. Tano paid no mind. Going further down in the kitchen, down a different hallway than last time Mrs. Tano swung a small door open and all but threw me inside.

“Of all the things to do on your first day  _ that _ was at the bottom of the list, Miss Dameron,” Mrs. Tano bit, slamming the door behind us.

“I’m sorry, I got angry and didn’t know what to do,” I mumbled a useless apology. Mrs. Tano stopped moving about the room and turned on her heel.

“You got angry and decided the best thing to do in that situation was to  _ strip _ in front of your  _ master _ !” She hissed. Saying it out loud, I understood her meaning and why she was reacting the way she was. I dropped my head to my chest in shame, I had acted like a child and for what? For the person that I despised to not even care? If I was going to win against Lord Ren I would need to act opposite than how he thought me to be.

“I’ll pin you up then you can spend the rest of the day sewing, after your lashes,” Mrs. Tano sighed. Nodding I turned around allowing Mrs. Tano to work on pinning the dress. I remained silent throughout the endeavour until she told me it was ready for sewing. Gently taking the dress off, I gingerly sat it on a nearby table and turned back to Mrs. Tano who had a wooden rod in her hand and a disappointed expression on her face. 

Turning away from her, I shrugged out of my chemise just until it got to my waist and waited. I had never been struck before, not even by my father most because he had a more relaxed way of parenting plus disappointing him would’ve been worse than any kind of whipping. First blow surprised me and stung the worst, tears pricked at the edges of my eyes.

“Sorry dear, I should’ve warned ya. Why don’t you lean against the fireplace over there so you don’t fall over.” 

Following her suggestion I shuffled towards the edge of the fireplace and lightly placed my hands against the stone. Another blow had me lean into the fireplace and then the third and fourth. By time the last strike happened, my body had cradled the edge of the fireplace.

“It’s all done dear and if you know what’s good for you, you’ll let that be the last time this gets used on you. I’ll leave you to sew and fetch you later.” 

I couldn’t face Mrs. Tano, I didn’t want her to see me crying. I nodded and waited to hear the door shut again before letting a painful sob leave my mouth. I didn’t think Mrs. Tano ever broke the skin but it would for sure be bruised and tender for a while. 

After a few minutes of crying had passed, I swallowed back my emotion and remembered who I was doing all this for. Using the back of my hand I swiped away at all the tears that had coated my face and stood up pulling my chemise up and over my shoulders. 

Before settling in at the table, I decided to look around at my new office. The entire room was made from raw stone, it was more like a cave than an office. There was one sliver of light that came from a sad excuse of a window, which was no taller than half my forearm and no wider than my hand. Thankfully, Madam Hutt had left behind her medical books. I hadn’t thought to bring my own but relieved to find some kind of source material and perhaps new information that I hadn’t learned yet. On a smaller table were medical equipment that I was familiar with and appeared to be cleaned. On the shelf closest to the fireplace stood some herbs already labeled and ready to go and next to them was a needle and thread. Picking the two items up, I got to work on my dress praying that Poe had more luck than me - even though the day had hardly started.

By the time I had finished altering my dress the sun had started to set and my backside begged for relief from sitting. Cutting off the final strand of thread, I stood up and wiggled in my way into my dress, which fit properly this time. It had to be close to dinnertime, so I knew Mrs. Tano would be busy getting everything ready so venturing out of my new little piece of comfort I walked into the kitchen and found Mrs. Tano slicing at some vegetables. 

“Can I help, Mrs. Tano?” I asked, already shoving up my sleeves. Mrs. Tano spun around and eyed the dress before breaking into an approving smile. 

“Much better, why don’t you finish cutting these and add them to that pot there,” she pointed to a smaller pot on the far left and handed me the knife. Cutting the vegetables I praised Jocasta’s name for giving me necessary cooking skills! A month was going to be longer than I thought but at least I had found my place and as long as Lord Ren didn’t do anything stupid like get hurt, I would hardly ever have to see him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long since I've updated! I had a TON going on so here's another chapter to make up for it! Enjoy!

It’d only been two weeks, half of the month was over and I hadn’t received word from Poe. My nerves had started to settle in leaving my mind open to intrusive thoughts. What if Poe had left  _ me _ behind? I had never even visited a prison before, I didn’t know what to expect but I assumed it was worse than being Lord Ren’s presence. 

Not a lot of girls liked me, they either would bump into me on purpose or make “smart” remarks under their breath, thinking I couldn’t hear them. I didn’t care much, I wouldn’t be here much longer plus I had managed to make a friend, Rose. Rose was a kitchen maid, Mrs. Tano’s right hand and she was possibly the kindest person I have ever met. 

Surprisingly I wasn’t needed for much healing. A few cuts and migraines but nothing that really showed off my talents - not that I wanted to impress but I felt more useful as a healer than anything else. 

“Sundara you’re needed out in the woods today,” Mrs. Tano announced, walking into the kitchen, going straight for a pot of porridge and bending over to stir it. I stopped kneading the bread dough and turned towards her.

“How do you mean?” I asked, wiping my hands on the apron that hugged my waist. Mrs. Tano sighed, like the answer had been an obvious one.

“Lord Ren and his cousin, General Hux are going hunting. Lord Ren requested the healer attend in case someone gets hurt, understand?” she asked. The dots clicked and dread filled me to the brim but I nodded and left the kitchen, leaving the apron behind.

Inside my surgery I grabbed a few herbs for pain, a needle and thread and tons of cloth in case there would be major bleeding but the two men had faced war together (or at least that’s what was told to me) so I didn’t imagine a hunting accident, but one could never be too careful and I definitely didn’t want Lord Ren to find cause to criticize my skills as a healer.

Finishing up my packing, I went back into the kitchen, which had started cleaning from breakfast and started to prep for lunch. 

“Go to the courtyard, they’re waiting for you,” Mrs. Tano called from the pantry. Not missing a beat, I breezed through the hallway and opened the backdoor that led to the stable yard which would lead me to the courtyard but I stopped dead in my tracks.

My precious Ahsoka stood on her feet as if she were lifeless. Her head was hung low, and her body slouched forward and all the light in her eyes had gone. Her white coat was no more, in its place was a color that could only be described as dirty snow. There were still remnants of her white coat but everything else had a dark muddy brown color to it. My heart broke, I fought against my instincts to run towards her and hold her in my arms so I stood there staring at what remained. 

“A beauty is she not?” Hux’s nasally voice tore me away from Ahsoka. 

“What have you done to her?” I asked, breathless. General Hux, heaved a loud sigh and stood up straighter. 

“She needed to be broken, she wasn’t compliant like a horse should be but I took care of that. You should be proud, she’s accomplished much in her short time with me.” My blood boiled, my teeth clenched together to prevent indecent words to fly out of my mouth. I took in one last breath and made my way to the courtyard where Lord Ren sat upon his giant black horse. His eyes narrowed once he caught sight of me.

“About time Miss Dameron, now we can get started. I don’t trust you on a horse, so you will ride with me until we get to our target.”

“Master, I  _ can  _ ride, I’m sure it would be more appropriate if I-”

“So you can run off and disappear? I think not,” his voice was curt and hot, his eyes like firing coals. Lord Ren held out, his gloved hand to me without looking at my face. Steadying my medical bag on my shoulder I bent my knees and grasped his hand. Preparing to jump, my body lurched forward when two more gloved hands caught my waist and hoisted me behind Lord Ren. General Hux revealed a smirk before turning towards Ahsoka and pulling himself up on her. No matter what happened to me, Hux would always make me feel uncomfortable.

Once I had been settled behind Lord Ren, I struggled for a location for my hands. Nothing about this had been proper manners unless we were courting and even then this would’ve been considered scandalous. 

“Put your arms around me, Miss Dameron,” Lord Ren commanded, antagonized by my slow speed. Silently and obediently I loosely encased my arms around Lord Ren’s waist, making sure there was enough space between the two of us. 

Lord Ren sighed impatiently, “Miss Dameron, unless you’d like to fall off Palpatine, I suggest you hold on tighter.” I gulped, unsure of how to react but ultimately I obeyed again and tightened my arms around him; my cheeks grew pink with humiliation. 

“Alright we’re headed to the north eastern forest, pay attention to anything moving - let’s go!” Lord Ren kicked Palpatine forward and we moved into a canter. No wonder I wasn’t allowed to walk.

The wind whipped around us, my cap was getting more loose by the second, the wind had already had an affect on Lord Ren’s hair, it flapped rhythmically against his head, yet he didn’t slow down. Craning my head I looked behind us to see if anyone else had caught up with us, so far no one, not even Hux. 

Finally Lord Ren slowed us to a walk and eventually stopped. Releasing his waist, I jumped down with haste, didn’t need any more excuses to touch him. My hands traveled to my head where I hurriedly fixed my cap and tucked in any stray hairs. Lord Ren jumped off Palpatine and gave his neck an affectionate pat and rub before tying him off on a branch. Soon Hux and Ahsoka came into view. Ahsoka huffing, her head lowering by the second, for a moment it was as if she were going to fall over any moment. Biting my bottom lip, I turned away, hating myself for not being able to stand up for her. She must’ve been so confused as to why I would allow this to happen to her.

“Armitage, what  _ are _ you doing to that animal?” Lord Ren’s voice broke the sound of Ahsoka’s labored breathing. 

“Just showing her who’s alpha dear cousin,” Hux responded with a snark. I could feel his eyes burning into my back. He was taunting me, Hux knew how much I love Ahsoka. Her suffering had to be my fault. 

“You’re going to kill her - besides mare’s are meant for women. Last I knew, you were not a woman,” Ren clapped back, moving a piece of stray hair out of his face. Glancing at Hux I saw his face go red, his eyes were cold as ever. 

“I only purchased the animal as a charity from Miss Dameron here,” he paused. “I don’t plan to have the mare very long, it shall be a gift for my wife, when I find a suitable bride.” My head swung around to Hux and his face held a conniving grin on his face. He meant to taunt me further, to push me to my limits.

“My mother used to say if you want an accurate representation of how a man will treat you as a wife, look to his horse. I hope that was just my mother speaking and not a common principle other young ladies look at or I fear you shall never find a wife,” I retorted, finding my voice. General Hux narrowed his blue eyes and shot darts at me so I curtsied, “sir,” I added.

"I thought it was how he treats his mother?" Lord Ren interjected softly, not completely paying attention.

"A man will always love his mother more than his wife because she birthed him. However, you did not birth a horse so there's a lack of instant loyalty and emotional connection. However, if a man is a good man he will create loyalty and an emotional connection with his horse," I added, confidently. Hux scoffed at my response, my eyes darted towards him.  


“From where I’m standing you aren’t going to be a top choice bride for any  _ respectable _ gentleman,” Hux clapped back. Nodding I smiled. 

“Well it’s a good thing I have no intentions to marry. You see sir, my father has given me freedom, freedom I shan’t know as a wife,” I answered calmly. Hux’s face drooped before turning away and tying Ahsoka up.

After all the men had arrived Lord Ren gave instructions on how we were to proceed, I would wait by the horses until someone needed me. It was the first kindness Lord Ren had permitted me - even if I wasn’t completely alone with horses because of course I needed guard so I wouldn’t run away. For a few minutes I would be able to touch Ahsoka and give her the affection she so desperately needed.

The men disappeared into the forest, leaving me and another gentleman alone. The man stood a safe distance away from me. He was at least another foot taller than me, with dark graying hair and an unkempt beard with streaks of white intermingling with the dark hairs. His face had started to droop and wrinkle but not completely.

“I’m sorry you have to stay behind,” I apologized, slowly making my way to Ahsoka. 

“No need, I’m not much for hunting, I prefer the horses,” he responded with a tenor gruff voice. 

“I’m Sundara Dameron,” I introduced, my hand softly resting on Ahsoka’s rump. 

“Yes miss I know, I’m Luke,” he responded. 

“Luke what?” I asked.    
“Everyone just calls me Luke - including you miss,” he responded. Smiling at him, I turned my attention to Ahsoka, who had perked up at my touch. When I got to her neck and head, I pulled her into a hug.

“I’m so sorry Ahsoka, if I’d known that General Hux was going to be horrible to you, I never would’ve sold you to him,” I cried. Ahsoka whined, I moved so that she could see me and tears pooled over my eyes. I blinked to get rid of them but instead they fell over onto my cheek.

“You’re awfully attached to the mare,” Luke pointed out. 

“She used to be mine but I had to sell her to help pay off my father’s debt to Lord Ren,” I responded glancing back to Luke. Luke pushed off of the tree he had been leaning against and walked to the other side of Ahsoka.

“General Hux doesn’t know a  _ thing _ about horses, nor should he own one. I’ll try my best to look out for her,” Luke promised with a wink and smile. 

“Thank you,” I breathed, as the last of the tears went down my face. 

A gunshot echoed through the trees, taking me out of my emotional state. 

“They must have got something,” I acknowledged, gazing into the woods. 

“Which is rare in these parts, not much sport here,” Luke pointed out softly. 

“Miss Dameron!” The call of my name, got my instincts into gear. I ran towards the voice as they continued to call me. 

A group of men came into view, all of them carrying someone in their arms. They were still too far away for me to see but Lord Ren hadn’t been among them.

“What happened?” I called, meeting them halfway. 

“Dunno, we caught sight of a stag and we shot at it, next thing we knew the master is on the ground,” one of the men explained. The dark mass the men had been carrying had turned out to be Lord Ren.

“Set him down for a moment, I need to assess the wound,” I instructed. I had handled deep knife wounds but never a bullet. In theory, I knew how to help a bullet wound but I hadn’t the experience to feel confident. 

Gently the men sat Lord Ren on the ground face up, he groaned with pain and his face scrunched together. Immediately I began searching his body for the wound and found that the source of the blood came from behind him.

“Turn him over,” I instructed. The men obeyed and behind his shoulder was a steady river of blood flow. Tentatively my fingers inched closer to the wound, I couldn’t remember if there had been an exit wound and honestly I wouldn’t be able to tell until his clothes were off but I didn’t want to do that here.

“We need to get him back to the estate,” I concluded. Meeting the eyes of one of the men, I pointed at them. “You, ride ahead and tell Mrs. Tano to prepare some bandages, we’ll be right behind you.” The man hesitated but got up and leapt on his horse. That was one problem down, on to the next.    
“Can any of you ride quickly with Lord Ren?” None of the men would make eye contact with me. I suspected none of them wanted to be responsible if Lor Kylo Ren had died while on their horse. There wasn’t time to waste, shaking my head I ran over to Ahsoka and hoisted myself on top of her. “Put Lord Ren here,” I motioned to the space between me and Ahsoka’s neck. The men all hesitated, unsure of my decision. “We haven’t got the time to sit around. I’ve done this before with Ahsoka - now hurry or else he’ll bleed out,” my voice sounded more desperate than I thought possible for this man. 

The men gathered Lord Ren and gently placed him over Ahsoka. Making sure I had a good hold on Lord Ren, I kicked Ahsoka into gear and like nothing had changed she ran down the path back towards the estate.


	6. Chapter 6

The road was bumpy, which made it more difficult to hold on to Lord Ren. My fingers ached at the tightness I was holding but refused to let go. Ahsoka had to have felt my urgency because despite how tired and lifeless she had appeared previously she pushed harder than ever before. 

“My Lord, I need to hold onto Ahsoka’s neck if you can, we’re nearly there,” I called against the wind. Lord Ren made no sound, I prayed he hadn’t died already.  _ If he dies, you’re free _ ... The devil in my mind reminded me. No, death was too good for him, he deserved to see my father return and to be proved wrong. “You aren’t dying on me,” I spat quietly.

Finally the estate came into view and I pushed Ahsoka even harder for the final stretch and she didn’t disappoint. We came clobbering into the courtyard in no time with a group of men and Mrs. Tano waiting for us by the door. As soon as Ahsoka slowed to a stop the men hoisted Lord Ren off of her neck and carried him into the kitchen. 

Jumping off of Ahsoka I caught up with the men who already had Lord Ren in my surgery on a table. It was too dark for me to see clearly, I needed light.

“Mrs. Tano, I need more light, can I use a table in your kitchen?” I asked.

“My ki-kitchen? Yes of course, of course - Rose move those potatoes out of the way!” She barked. The men moved Lord Ren into the kitchen and he must’ve gained consciousness because moans had echoed off the kitchen walls. 

“I need his shirt off,” I instructed, gently taking off his coat. The only article of clothing that was left had been his shirt. Quickly I glanced near his heart, there hadn’t been an exit wound so I ordered the men to take off his shirt and turn him on his stomach. 

In my medical bag sat a magnifying glass, taking hold of it, I focused my sight on the bullet hole. I had to locate the bullet before tearing into him. Lord Ren had moved on from moaning to clenching his teeth, probably not to appear weak in front of his staff, horrible pride. 

“I need some kind of alcohol, whiskey - anything strong,” I called, my voice calm. Out of my peripheral, Mrs. Tano left the kitchen and came back with a clear liquid. From the smell of it, it would be strong enough to help. 

“Ah-hah, there it is,” I paused and knelt down to see Lord Ren’s eyes, which were clamped shut, his entire face shrunk in itself. “My Lord, I’ve located the bullet and it doesn’t appear to have hit your heart but this is going to hurt. Mrs. Tano has brought something that’ll help, so I need you to drink whatever she gives you and if you want I can send everyone away. Blink once for yes or twice for no.” Lord Ren kept his eyes shut but opened them once and shut them again. “Very well, my Lord,” I whispered. 

“I need everyone to leave the kitchen - except you Mrs. Tano, I need your help.” Everyone stared at me, unsure if they should listen. “Lord Kylo Ren doesn’t want an audience while I perform this surgery, so unless you’re Mrs. Tano please wait outside,” I commanded, feeling more power lacing my voice. Slowly one by one the people filtered out while Mrs. Tano poured a cup of the alcohol into a glass and slowly put it against Lord Ren’s mouth who took it without complaint. 

“More, the drunker we make him the less pain he’s going to be in,” I ordered. Mrs. Tano nodded her head and continued giving Lord Ren sips. 

Making a quick dart to my surgery I grabbed a small knife, left by Madam Hutt thankfully, and ran it through the fire that had already been going in my room in order to sanitize it. Once I got back I could see a reddish hue take place on Lord Ren’s cheeks.

“Okay that should be enough but be ready for more, just in case,” I told her calmly. 

I had never done something like this before and there were chances that he might not even survive but I had to try. Slowly I cut his bullet hole a little wider, Lord Ren jerked away from me and muffled a scream. 

“Mrs. Tano, hold him down, sit on him if you have to.” Mrs. Tano stared at me with horror in her eyes then lurched for the door. “ _ Mrs. Tano _ !” I called. Mrs. Tano scurried back in with two of the largest men that helped with Lord Ren earlier. “You, hold his legs. You, hold his arms,” I ordered. They didn’t flinch, the two men jumped into action, holding down his legs and arms.

“Mrs. Tano, get some more liquor inside him.” She obeyed and I went back to work, cleaning off the blood with the bandages that I had prepared this morning. I saw the bullet, my knife could touch it. Gently, I coerced it to move and guided it out of Lord Ren’s back. A sigh rippled through us all.

“Mrs. Tano, hand me a glass of the liquor,” I requested, keeping my eyes trained on the wound. It needed to be flushed out. Mrs. Tano placed a small cup of liquor in my hand and tentatively I washed out the wound. A trail of grunts and hisses left Lord Ren’s body and a small part of me felt quietly satisfied with his pain. Once it was washed out and the bleeding stopped, I started to sew him back up. This time he made no movement, no flinching but I finished with that part quicker than anything else. Sewing people up had been my specialty. The last thing to do was to wrap him up.

“My Lord, I need you to sit up so I can wrap the wound, can you do that?” I asked, bending low to him. He blinked and with assistance we were able to get Lord Ren to a sitting position. I started wrapping him with the bandages I had Mrs. Tano prepare. Making the repetitive wraps around his torso, there had been no denying two things. 1) Lord Kylo Ren was a beautifully built man, with a sculpted chest and rounded shoulders, a blind person could see the beauty. 2) Lord Kylo Ren had not taken his eyes off of me for the entirety of me wrapping his wound. If circumstances were different, I might’ve thought Lord Ren a temptation to my ‘no marriage’ lifestyle but they weren’t.

Once I had finished, I had the two men escort Lord Ren to bed and ordered mandatory bed rest for at least three weeks as well as nightly ginger tea to help fight infection. Not that I had much time left but out of the goodness of my heart I would come back after father returned and make sure he didn’t have an infection. 

Sitting at my work station, I hung my head low, exhausted by the day’s activity. It had been successful and I had no one but my father to thank. If he hadn’t pushed my education forward, I might not have been able to help him. Plus if he did die, the estate would go to General Hux and I wouldn’t bet that he’d let me go free.

Mrs. Tano’s hand brushed my shoulder before rubbing my lower back and sat next to me. “You did good today Sundara, you should be proud of yourself.” Craning my head towards her, I nodded. “I am, but I could use a nap and maybe a glass of that liquor,” I motioned for the clear bottle and Mrs. Tano had only been too happy to push it into my grasp. Grabbing the cup that I had used earlier, I poured myself a glass and drank it fast. A cough bubbled up, it was strong but I wasn’t much of a drinker before so it made the burning down my throat worse.

“What is that?” my voice asked, hoarsely. Mrs. Tano swallowed her cup and let out a satisfied sigh.

“I have no idea but it’s one your father brought back once,” she answered. “Go on out back and get cleaned up. I'll get you something else to wear while this gets cleaned.” she motioned to my blood-soaked frock.

Nodding I went out to the washroom, which already had a filled tub - full of cold water no doubt. Stripping down to nothing, I let my dark curls curtain my shoulders and back. Gingerly I placed a food into the small wooden tub and was surprised at how good the cold water felt. Stepping in with my other foot, I crouched down and let the cold water soak my body. 

Next to the tub was a small pail, grabbing it off the floor, I filled it with some water and poured it over my head. There was no holding in the moan that left my body. I hadn’t experienced true relief since I had been here and of all the things that gave me peace was a bucket of cold water. 

Next thing I grabbed had been a bar of soap and I scrubbed Lord Ren’s blood off of my fingers and under my nails. It was during my scrubbing that I reflected on the events that had happened and I recognized a darkness in me that I hadn’t noticed before. A part of me, no matter how small, wanted Lord Ren to die. It only lasted a moment but the after effects of that still lingered, I couldn’t help but think of Andrei Bolkonsky. He entered momentary darkness after discovering Natasha’s betrayal. Even though he and I went through different circumstances the effects it left us still held true. If Andrei could get through it then so could I. 

Once I had been completely clean, I grabbed a ratty towel off the floor and started to dry my body. A short rap at the door brought me back to complete reality. Mrs. Tano walked and smiled at me, all while holding clothes close to her bosom. “I’ve got clothes for you dearest,” she held out her hand towards me. Using my armpits to hold the towel still, I took the clothes from her and grinned. Bending over Mrs. Tano collected the pile of clothes on the floor and moved out of the bathroom. 

The new dress hadn’t been one that I recognized from what the other girls wore. It still wasn’t anything special, just a simple black frock with a little bit of stitched detailing around the neckline and sleeves but it fit like a dream. After tying my hair back into a loose braid I put on my cap and headed out to the kitchen to see what needed to be done.

People were already back to work like nothing had happened only a few hours ago and surprisingly I found it reassuring. I didn’t need anyone staring at me like I was a witch or God or anything like that. I was a healer and all I had done was heal our Master. Catching a glimpse of Mrs. Tano I scurried to her side.

“What can I do Mrs. Tano?” I asked, grabbing a nearby apron and tying it around me.

“You can go rest,” she ordered without looking at me. I stopped and looked around, now seeing the other girls staring at me.

“I’m alright Mrs. Tano, please give me a task,” I pushed but she wouldn’t even look twice at me.

“I did give you a task Sundara, go and rest. I’ll come fetch you when it’s time for dinner and again when it’s time to take the master his ginger tea.” Knowing I couldn’t change her mind, I followed Mrs. Tano’s orders and went back to my bed in the surgery.

Laying on my bed, I couldn’t sleep, my mind racing with adrenaline from the events of the day. Trying to figure out who could’ve shot Lord Ren and why? The why hadn’t been a difficult question. Lord Ren had a temper on him, had little consideration for others, although he did care for horses that much was clear. However, all that being said, taking a man’s life seemed a little too drastic - even for me. Who could’ve done it, seeing how the men worked to get Lord Ren to me didn’t show that any of them wanted his life to end.

Dinner came and went with little excitement, I sat next to Rose who told me all about the new gossip of the day.  “Did you know that people are starting to spread a rumor that you and Master Ren were in here doing-” her voice went down a whisper. “Inexcusable acts?” Choking on the food that had been sliding my throat, I had to stifle my cough and laughter. 

“ _ Me _ and Lord  _ Ren _ ?” I asked at the same volume. Rose nodded, shaking her black hair around her shoulders. “When? While Mrs. Tano was watching - or - or better yet when those two men came in to hold him down?” I asked with a stifled grin. Rose shrugged and went back to eating.

After I had finished eating I had started on my ginger tea. I waited for the hot water with a ginger root inside to boil while I helped clean after dinner. If the girls didn’t like me before they really couldn’t stand me now. The hostility in the air grew thick but I couldn’t tell if it was because they believed the rumor that Lord Ren and I were now lovers or if they were jealous because I got more time with him than they did. Truly these girls confused me, it’s obvious that Lord Ren has no respect for anyone but himself and his horse so why would they want to be around him?

The tea had been finished so I poured it into a cup and drizzled some honey into it before being led by Rose to Lord Ren’s room. Together we stood in front of his door and quietly knocked on the door. A muffled “come in” came through, Rose pushed the door open and together we walked in. 

What surprised me first was the lightness in the room. I half expected the walls to be black or some other dark color but instead it was white. On the wall opposite to his bed stood a tall dark wooden shelf filled to the brim with books, my heart skipped a beat. The sight of books would forever give my heart palpitations, willingly or not. Lord Ren’s bed had been made of black wood, which suited him more than the white walls. The tall bedposts stopped only inches from the ceiling and he had crimson red bed curtains, which had been pulled back. His actual blankets were black but the pillows remained white. Lord Ren sat up, resting against his pillows with blank stare and cold eyes.

“I’ve brought your tea, you’ll need to drink it all in front of me,” my voice instructed gently. Rose stayed by the door while I ventured towards his bed, handing him the cup. 

Lord Ren looked up at me, skeptical but took a sip. His face twitched in a sour expression and held the tea away from him. “Take it away,” he ordered. I bite my bottom lip, unsure of how to proceed. 

“I can when it’s finished, my Lord,” I answered slowly. He stared at me, calculating on how to move forward. 

“I don’t  _ want _ it, so take it away,” he pressed, antagonized, but I shook my head.

“My Lord, this is going to help fight against any infection so you  _ need _ to drink.” I stared right down his two dark holed pupils unwavering from my stance. He narrowed his eyes at me and readjusted himself.

“If you’re as good a healer as you claim to be then there won’t  _ be _ any infection,” he sneered. Pieces of his black mop had slipped in front of his face.

“It’s not  _ my _ healing skills or lack thereof that’ll kill you but your own body if you don’t drink that tea,” I responded, harsher than intended. 

Lord Ren smirked and closed his eyes a moment. “ _ Man cannot possess anything as long as he fears death. But to him who does not fear it, everything belongs,” _ he recited. My face relaxed and my chest warmed at the recognition of the quote.

“ _ War and Peace _ , Leo Tolstoy,” I declared with warmth.

“Ah, she’s read Tolstoy, I guess you think yourself cultured or intelligent then?” he asked, the smug smirk back on his lips. I nodded at him with confidence.

_ “Nothing is so necessary for a young man as the company of intelligent women,” _ I recited back to him, matching his smirk.

“I believe Tolstoy was not in his right mind when he wrote that,” Lord Ren admitted. 

“Maybe not, but it doesn’t mean he isn’t any less wrong and as the intelligent woman who saved your life. I demand that you drink that tea.” I stood taller, and placed my hands on my hips, waiting for his obedience. Lord Ren held my gaze while putting the cup to his lips and swallowing it all in a single gulp.

“There, was that so difficult?” I asked lightly. Lord Ren remained silent as he placed the cup back on my saucer. “I shall come back again tomorrow night with another cup and who knows maybe you’ll grow to love it,” I noted before curtising and leaving the room with Rose on my heel. 

“You know how to read?” Rose asked, her voice timid like a baby songbird. I nodded without looking at her. “Cou-could you teach  _ me _ to read?” she asked, growing a little more confident. I stopped in the hallway and turned towards her.

“I’d love to, we would have to start with  _ War and Peace _ because it’s the only book I brought with me unless you’d rather read my medical books and journals,” I suggested. Rose’s face lost all color and she shook her head.

“I could never stomach those,” she whispered. Laughing, I grabbed her arm and pulled her close to me.

“Dameron, stop!” My heart sank at the sound of General Hux’s voice but I obeyed, Rose continued on to the kitchen. 

General Hux stomped in front of me, his eyebrows pushed so close together they reminded me of a caterpillar I once saw out in the woods. Anger flashed through his blue eyes and his face pinched at the nose and forehead. “You  _ stole _ my horse this morning,” he growled. I blinked at him with disbelief scrawled on my face. 

“That’s a rather strong word, sir, I merely procured it to save  _ your _ cousin’s life. I couldn’t handle Lord Ren’s horse but I knew that I could ride Ahsoka-”

“Don’t call her that, she isn’t called that atrocious name any longer. She’s called Pryde now and I’ll let that pass  _ this  _ time but if I  _ ever _ see you near her again, something might just go missing and might be found in  _ your  _ surgery.” I clenched my jaw and narrowed my eyes at him, trying to find something to say back. “You forget miss Dameron, you have no power here, no status, nothing.”

“I’ll always be more of a gentleman than you, flapdoodle,” I sneered softly. A blunt force, moved my head to the side and sting let me know that I had been backhanded. Hux stood closer to me, his hot breath snaking into my ear.

“I’d be careful with what comes out of that beautiful mouth of yours Miss Dameron. It could get you into trouble some day,” Hux whispered before turning on his heel and disappearing in the shadow of night.


	7. Chapter 7

It’d only been the third day and I thought there wasn’t anything Lord Ren could do to make me dislike him more. I was terribly mistaken.

“You cannot  _ possibly _ ,  _ honestly _ think that  _ Anna Karenina  _ is a better novel than  _ War and Peace _ ,” I argued, arms folded against my chest. Lord Ren smirked at my temper, he enjoyed getting me riled up and it was sprawled on his face, which had been annoying. 

“Only a woman would be blind to its brilliance,” he muttered. If fire could glow from eyeballs then mine were erupting volcanoes. 

“It’s writing is a thing of beauty yes, the word choice exquisite but the  _ story _ and it’s  _ characters _ are a mess. Anna is hardly a sympathetic character,” I argued, resuming the task of removing Lord Ren’s old bandage to replace a fresh one. 

“ For once, I agree but it’s because of her that all men can be weary of women and their fickle and unfaithful ways,” Lord Ren spoke as if something bitter had been in his mouth. I couldn’t help it even if I wanted but a laugh trickled it’s way out of my mouth. “What’s so funny?” Lord Ren asked, not in a commanding or condescending way but in a way where he wanted to join in, it took me aback before I could answer. My focus was on his wound, no swelling and it didn’t feel warm so no fever but it could still happen.

“Uh sorry my Lord it’s just for a moment you sounded an awful lot like Andrei Bolkonsky - after Natasha’s betrayal and the laugh just slipped past, forgive me.” I didn’t really need his forgiveness, or his approval but it was customary to ask for it anyways. Lord Ren didn’t say anything and for the briefest moment I thought he was going to scream at me. Pulling away from his wound, I met his dark eyes which didn’t hold a single piece of anger but something else I couldn’t put my finger on. 

Clearing my throat and moving away from him, I went to the foot of the bed to grab the clean wrapping. He stayed silent while I went to work on wrapping his wound and strangely I found that the quiet I longed for had now made me uncomfortable. I wanted to know where his mind went but instead I changed subjects a little.

“Anyways, if you want to read a second chance romance where the women aren’t unfaithful, I would recommend  _ Persuasion _ by Jane Austen.” Glancing up at Lord Ren I saw that he was more attentive than before, snapping out of wherever he had been. 

“No point, all women are unfaithful, it’s just the way they are,” he spat as I finished the last knot. Stepping back at him, I stared and crossed my arms again, searching his face to see if that’s how he really felt or if he was trying to annoy me again.

“That’s not true - not in the slightest. I’m not unfaithful, my mother wasn’t unfaithful and - and there’s a whole list of women who have stayed true to their spouses,” I argued trying to retain a voice of civility but Lord Ren’s eyebrows raised higher, unconvinced.

“You don’t count, you’ve never been married, never been tempted. Second. you don’t know every single person’s life to even say that you know that they’re true to their husbands and your mother died prematurely so she didn’t get the chance,” Lord Ren spat back at me. My lips tightened around my mouth and my teeth ground themselves into my tongue, begging me not to say anything.

“You don’t know  _ anything _ about me or my mother and I’ve known more women who have had their  _ husbands _ prove to be unfaithful than the other way around. So don’t sit there lecturing  _ me _ about the ‘wily’ ways of women when men are no better,” I clapped back with venom lacing my tone. Lord Ren stared at me blinking, again, I couldn’t read his expression “my Lord,” I added quickly. 

Taking a deep breath, I attempted to slow my pulse and heart to go back to a pace of civility. Curtising, I walked towards the door and stopped a moment. “I’ll be back tonight to give you your tea, my Lord.” 

Leaving that room, I felt as if my lungs could expand more fully. Lord Kylo Ren knew how to get under my skin. Furthermore I hated that I allowed him to get under my skin. I had control over my emotions but around that beast of a man I had no control whatsoever and it would get me in trouble eventually. 

Heading back to my surgery, I saw a line of people waiting for me. One good thing that came out of Lord Ren’s injury was that my credibility went up around the estate. More and more people came to see me with problems that extended from migraines. Nothing made me feel more in my element than helping other people. Before I knew the sun had gone down and it was supper time for the servants.

Going out of my surgery I wandered over to the table and sat next to Rose who had already started eating. 

“How was it with his Lordship then?” she asked quietly, sipping at some soup, not looking me in the eye. 

“He is  _ unbearable _ , tried to convince me that all women are adulterers. He’s impossible,” I whispered so no one could hear me. While most of the staff had warmed to me, there were still a few maids that I would never trust.

“Well it makes sense that he feels that way. Five years ago his fiance ran away with our last stable hand, Finn,” Rose mumbled, still avoiding eye contact with me and this time I noticed.

“What do you mean? Secondly, why won’t you look at me?” I asked, taking a bite of bread. Sheepishly Rose turned towards me, showing me two eyes, one of them black and blue. My body went rigid with disgust.

“Come with me,” I ordered, taking Rose by the hand but she yanked it out of mine, shaking her head.

“It’s really not that bad, no need for any fuss,” her voice went mouse quiet but it only fueled my need to help.

“Rose, it looks like someone threw a rock at your eye, you’re coming with me now plus I want to hear more about Finn,” I commanded and all but yanked her out of the chair.

Shutting my surgery door, I had her sit on my table in order to get a better look at her wound. Lightly touching it Rose flinched away from me, the bruise had been recent and seeing this more than once at home I knew that a person had to have done this.

“Who did this?” I asked with quiet authority, my eyebrows hunched together. The color from Rose’s face had drained, confirming that a person had done this. 

“It- it wasn’t anyone. I-I slipped and hit my face on a corner in the hallway, while I was dusting,” she lied.    
“Rose you aren’t a good liar so I would stop and just tell me, who did this to you?” I asked, moving away from her and digging chamomile leaves out of my bag. Then placing them in my mortar to grind them. 

“I don’t want to tell you,” she admitted. I paused on my grinding and stared at her big brown eyes, looking away from me again.

“Why?” I asked but she didn’t answer. “Why, Rose?”

“Because you have this habit of getting into trouble. I don’t want trouble.” A sharp offended breath left my mouth and I shook my head. 

“I don’t have a  _ habit _ of getting into trouble. I have a moral code, if someone has hurt you then they need to be brought to some kind of justice. I’m sure Mrs. Tano wouldn’t stand for someone hitting you,” I argued, lowering myself to Rose’s eye sight. Rose breathed out a laugh through her nose and shook her head before raising it.

“You have no idea what kind of world I live in, do you?” she asked, her voice more forceful. “I didn’t have my parents to teach me things or - or give me a _moral_ _code_. They died when my sister and I were eight. My sister Paige and I have been in service ever since and I have learned that in order to survive, you keep your head down and don’t talk back.” Tears welled at the base of her eyes. I was seeing her clearly for the first time.

“I-I didn’t know you had a sister,” I muttered. 

“Of course you wouldn’t, when we’re together we only talk about you, your brother and father or how Lord Ren made you angry,” she snapped. “Paige died last year, sickness in the lungs,” Rose’s voice calmed to a reverent tone and she had been right about every single thing. 

“I’m sorry Rose, you’re right. It’s just that I’ve never had a friend before - except my brother but he doesn’t really count. I’ll try to talk less about myself, I’m sorry.” I paused. “I promise that I won’t tell anyone about who hurt you but I need to know - please.” Rose stared at me, cynical at first but the longer I held her gaze the softer her features became. Soon her arms had dropped from holding her torso and laid limp at their sides. 

“It was General Hux, he wanted me to-” she stopped but took in a deep breath and continued in a softer whisper. “He wanted me to  _ lay _ with him but I told him that I wouldn’t because it was improper so he hit me,” she responded with a sigh. 

My blood boiled but I forced my expression to remain stoic so as to not prove Rose right and to reassure her that I would keep my word and not tell anyone. I nodded and rubbed her arm before finishing the grinding of Chamomile. After adding bits of water, I finished my paste and scooped it into a vile before handing it off to Rose.

“Put this on your eye every night before bed, it should bring the swelling down otherwise the bruise will go away on its own in a few weeks,” I responded coolly. Rose wrapped me in a hug.

“Thank you for keeping it secret,” she whispered before leaving. As soon as the door closed, I remembered that she was supposed to tell me about Lord Ren’s fiance and Finn but it had been too late to ask tonight.

“Sundara it’s time for the Master’s tea,” Mrs. Tano called. Taking a few deep breaths to calm the rage inside me I moved back into the kitchen to get the tea ready. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow thank you so much for all the reads and Kudos, I REALLY really appreciate and I'm glad you like this story! This chapter is a little shorter because I've been dealing with the loss of my best friend but I'm going to try and put my grief into my work so thank you for sticking it out with me!

All the way to Lord Ren’s room, I chanted that I wouldn’t say anything about Hux and Rose. More importantly I would _not_ ask about his fiance or about Finn. It had not been my business but the curiosity gnawed at me like an itch I could almost reach.

The hallways were always colder at night making shivering almost inevitable. The curtains were drawn, not even allowing the moonlight to peer through which not only made navigating a little more difficult than necessary but it made the manor more into a crypt than a luxurious place to live. The hallways were dimly light with candles that were sparse in distance, making shadows dance on the wall with the flame.

Approaching his door, I took in a deep breath. The only way to not ask inappropriate questions was to keep quiet. Give him the tea, watch him drink it and say as little as possible. My knuckles quietly thumped at the door. At first there was silence, so I knocked again a bit harsher than last time. Before Lord Ren had the chance to say ‘come in’ my mind had started to spiral and see all the awful things that could have happened to him medically speaking of course. Then I saw General Hux in charge and me not ever being free even if my father returned. If Lord Ren was dying in there I needed to save him.

Opening the door, my eyes adjusted to a darkened room, lit only by a lamp on the table next to his pillows. My heart beat shook my ribs as I gently set down the tea and exchanged it for the lamp. My feet inched towards his bed, my arm stretching to see his chest, _please be breathing_.. Seeing his chest go up and down slowly gave me my own breath back.

“Oh thank goodness,” I breathed quietly. Before setting the lamp back on the table, I noticed how soft Lord Ren’s features were. His ink black hair was strewn all over his face but his eyebrows were relaxed, his jaw unclenched. The scar across his eye wasn’t even a little intimidating in his sleep. He was so peaceful, it made me wonder what about his day to day made him so miserable?

“I could get you in trouble for this,” his groggy voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

“For what? Saving your life?” I asked, my voice more defensive than necessary. Lord Ren opened his eyes and for the briefest moment, the peace that he had attained in his sleep lingered.

“No, for coming in here without me telling you to, no one comes inside here with my telling them,” he responded, his voice harsher than before. It was late, I was exhausted, I had no energy to play his game of “who’s in the right”.

“I was worried that something had happened and you were dying. I wanted to make sure you were still breathing,” I answered, shaking my head. A shadow of an unfamiliar emotion danced across his face but it had been so quick that I couldn’t tell what it was exactly but if I had to charter a guess, I would’ve said it looked a little like amusement.

“ _You_ were _worried_ about _me_? The monster?” he asked, his tone playful.

“I don’t recall ever calling you a monster. Sit up please.” Obediently Lord Ren shifted from his bed. Setting the lamp down, I turned up the gas, giving the room a little bit of a bright glow and picked up the now lukewarm tea.

“Not with your words no, but I can see you calling me a monster with your eyes.”Blood raced towards me cheek. _Why was he paying attention that closely?_ “So far you’ve done it twice for sure. First time is when I called your father a thief in your home, the other time is when I forced you to ride with me. I can understand the first time but why was I a monster the second time?” he asked, his eyes trained on my expression, I had to fight against my own nature not to show him anything.

“Not that I’m agreeing with you but if I _had_ called you a monster with my expression the second time it’s probably because you humiliated me in front of everyone.” Lord Ren’s eyes darkened and his mouth frowned.

“So humiliation is cause enough to call someone a monster?” he demanded.

“I _never_ said that I called you a monster - you said that. Besides you’re more beast than monster,” I concluded, stoking the fire that was Lord Ren’s temper. His lips flinched, like he was fighting to maintain his frown but he shoved his cup against his lips and gulped the rest of the tea down.

“There’s no difference between monster and beast,” he sneered, shoving the cup and saucer back into my hands.

“Would you like me to dim the lamp before I go?” I asked. Lord Ren remained motionless, sighing I lowered the gas anyways and headed for the door. “Actually, there is a difference. Beasts can be tamed, monsters can’t,” I pointed out before shutting the door behind me.

There was something about the banter between us that I found rather enjoyable. I shouldn’t have found it so but all my life, people have treated me like a china doll. Like I might break if you drop me - even my father treated me as such but Lord Ren treated me like a person with thick skin. A part of me enjoyed the time where I got to take him tea and got to be in his presence. I stopped in the hallway and took a deep breath, I couldn’t have possibly actually _liked_ spending time with the same beast who slapped me across the face and called my father a thief? I needed to get out, go outside, and breathe the fall air.

Reaching the kitchen, I continued outside, towards the stables. Everyone else had to be settling in for the night. Cool night air made goose flesh rise on my neck and arms but for the first time since being inside the estate, I was able to take a long deep breath through my nose and out my mouth. Being outside at night was risky but I needed a moment where I could connect with nature - even if the closest I got was the stable. My gaze traveled to the night sky, my brain connected all the different constellations together and like that my father’s face flashed behind my eyes. I missed him, I missed my old life where I was treated like a glass doll and life was simple.

_Poe..._

I finally made it to my first and hopefully only destination. The place where father was meant to get the silks, Coruscant. The rustle and bustle rang in my ears, made it difficult to focus at first but I knew who I needed to find first. Maz, the woman who always sold silks to my father. Only problem was I had no idea where to start looking but I tightened my grip on my sack, pushed forward and asked the first person I saw if they knew Maz and I would continue to ask until I found father.


	9. Chapter 9

The month mark had been inching closer and closer with absolutely no word from Poe. I didn’t think anything bad happened yet because I knew Poe to be lacking with communication, it’s his greatest fault in my opinion.

My nose took in the crisp fall air while my hands were busy with pulling at the bark of a willow tree. I knew that they helped pain and Lord Ren had been complaining to Mrs. Tano about it. I needed to add more ginger to the tea and maybe some turmeric, to make it a little stronger.

Walking slowly and paying attention to the changing color in the leaves I made sure to take my time getting back to the manor. Enjoying nature like I used to wasn’t a luxury I had right now so I made a conscious effort to take in every single moment. The sky was gray but the sun still shined like it was summer. The leaves had started to shed their summer colors of green to orange, red and yellow.

Memories of my mother flashed through my mind. I didn’t have many and most of them seemed more like dreams than actual memories. One memory in particular was of the four of us walking in the forest behind our house and stopping for a picnic. I remember mother and father, father kissing mother on her head, Poe wandering off to go exploring. The weather was warm, sky clear and birds singing.

“Sundara!” the echoes of Mrs. Tano calling for me, brought me back down and pushed my legs from a dally to jog. The splashes of leaf color rushed past me until I stopped in front of the back gate of the manor. I forced my breathing to slow before opening the gate. Truthfully, I had gone further than I was meant to, it had been my small act of rebellion.

Opening the gate, my feet carried me swiftly through the stables and into the back door of the kitchen. Lightly my hands placed the willow bark on a nearby bench so I could remove my cloak and hang it on a rack. Picking up my basket again, I moved closer to the kitchen where Mrs. Tano was bent over the big pot.

“Sorry Mrs. Tano, lost track of the time. Is there anyone waiting in the surgery?” I asked over the clamouring of voices.

“There is but the master has requested you bring him something for the pain,” Mrs. Tano called without moving from the pot.

“It's a good thing I went out then. I’ll be back soon to help you Mrs. Tano,” I hollered back before exiting the kitchen with a fistful of bark wrapped in a cloth.

Maids eyed me as I took confident strides through the hall. I would never know what they all had against me. If I had to charter a guess it would because my head didn’t droop due to my status but they didn’t know what I did. That soon I would be back to where I was and that all of this would be like a bad dream that I woke up from.

Stopping in front of Lord Ren’s door, my lungs expanded to take a deep breath. My knuckles knocked softly against the heavy door and my ear went close to the door so I could hear him tell me to come in.

“It’s about time!” He snapped instead. Opening the door, my eyes laid on Kylo Ren who’s harsh brows and pointed frown told me that he either had been waiting a while or that he was just grumpy.

“Sorry my Lord I was out getting willow bark for you,” I answered softly. Lord Ren’s dark eyes were trained on mine as if he were trying to find something. Instead of rebutting he held out his hand for the bark. Unwrapping the cloth my fingers curled around a big piece and lightly placed it in his hands, careful not to touch him.

“What am I to do with it?” he asked impatiently.

“You’re supposed to chew on it. It will help with the pain,” I added setting the rest of the bark on his nightstand. “If there isn’t anything else, I’ll come back later to change your dressing and bring you your tea.” I curtsied and turned for the door.

“Wait,” Lord Ren’s voice stopped me. My eyes turned back to his and immediately something felt off. His voice wasn’t commandeering and forceful like normal, instead it sounded like he was pleading, which had definitely been out of character and he knew that. His eyes went cold and hard before he continued.

“I want you to read to me. Keep me preoccupied from the pain, it’s the least you can do.” My mind went to Mrs. Tano and my surgery.

“I really must get back to the kitchen Mrs. Tano and- and my surgery I can’t-”

“Read to me.” His voice went harsh but like he was hiding something, it intrigued me.

“Very well, what would you like me to read?” I asked, sighing and resigned. Kylo’s eyes softened again but his posture remained tense. Truly this man made no sense. Keeping eye contact with me, he used his head to motion towards his desk.

“I just had this book brought in, someone recommended it to me.” His voice almost sounded soft and human completely unlike how he normally sounded.

Nodding I walked to the desk and went for the only book on it. There would be no hiding the smile that spread to my cheeks. _Persuasion_ sat there, the book had been _my_ recommendation. Thankfully my back had been turned so he couldn’t see me beaming with joy.

“Well? Are you going to stand there or are you going to read it?” Kylo Ren asked, his voice reverting back to its normal harshness.

Controlling my expression and forcing my mouth to go back to a straight line, I turned back to Lord Ren.

“Of course my Lord, I was just surprised is all. Where would you like me to sit?” I asked lightly.

“Take the chair from my desk and move it close to the nightstand, with this bark I doubt I’ll be able to hear you all the way from over there,” he grumbled.

Once everything was settled I sat down, my fingers gently opened the book and my eyes went to the first line.

“ _Sir Walter Elliot, of Kellynch Hall, in Somersetshire, was a man who, for his own amusement, never took up any book but the Baronetage_...”

After reading a few pages I almost forgot that I was an indentured servant to the beastly Lord Kylo Ren. Instead, I was back at home, reading for my father after supper. Poe was on a couch only half listening or leaning against the fireplace mantle. Father in his chair, filling and lighting his pipe. Everything was as it should be, everything was right.

A loud knock took me out of my trance and stopped my reading. I became grossly aware of where I was and more importantly who I was with.

“Come in,” Ren called, unphased by the disturbance. A maid had brought in a tray - lunch. How had time gotten away from me? The maid, I think her name was Beru, sat the tray on Lord Ren’s lap, curtsied, tossed me a glare then left.

“I’m sorry my Lord I think I should be going but I wanted to talk about the next steps to your healing,” I paused in case he had a remark but he remained silent. “You should think about getting out of bed and resuming your daily routine - it would take some adjusting but I think it’s time for you to-”

“You _think_? I am in immense pain and you think _now_ is the time for me to get up and move?” he asked, his voice going back to it’s angry tone. His eyebrows were furrowed together and his nostrils flared. Shutting the book and standing out of the chair, I crossed my arms.

“Yes, I do. Aching means that the wound is _healing_. If you stay in this bed much longer you aren’t going to strike fear in anyone like you used to,” I snapped, my mouth pouting. Kylo Rens’ hard expression broke, confusion shook through me. I thought surely Kylo Ren would’ve jumped out of bed to tower over me and scream at me but his face went soft, his eyes grew and his mouth frowned but in a disappointed way.

“Is that how you think of me? That I _aim_ to strike fear in those that serve me?” he asked softly, almost out of disbelief. Shame grew from the pit of my stomach and reached my cheeks, exposing a red tint.

“Well - I-I mean, it’s just that...”I didn’t know what to say or what I could say. “I’m sorry,” I shook my head and fled through the door.

It didn’t sit well with me that my words had such an effect on Lord Ren. The image of his dark eyes stained my mind. He looked almost disappointed and hurt that I would say something like that to him. It had been the truth, hadn’t it? I knew what I had to do but I didn’t know if I had the strength to do it... I had to apologize to him and mean it.

Entering the kitchen was entering chaos incarnate. Mrs. Tano had already been preparing dinner for the master and the household. Women were talking over each other barking out orders but none were so loud as Mrs. Tano of course. Spotting her in the mess hadn’t been difficult so I skirted my way over to her.

“Sorry Mrs. Tano Lord Ren wanted me to read to him, what can I help with?” I asked, my voice jumbled in a rush.

“Quite alright Sundara. We’re alright in here but Luke’s in your surgery, seems pretty urgent,” Mrs. Tano called back to me, moving about the kitchen.

Wasting no time, I hurried into the surgery where weary Luke sat on the surgery table, his eyes wandering around the room. When they stopped on me, his tired blue eyes lit up and a smile went wide across his cheeks.

“Luke, sorry you were kept waiting,” I greeted, walking in front of him.

“It’s no bother, I wouldn’t have come at all but everyone down at the stables says that this is a pretty serious wound,” Luke explained holding out a hand to me. It wasn’t hard to know what happened; from the discoloration to the unnatural shape of the bones it was apparent that Luke had broken his hand.

“What happened?” I asked, turning away from him to grab the necessary supplies.

“I-I was tending to Ahsoka when General Hux came in and spooked her. Poor thing accidentally hit my hand with her hoof before Hux could even get her out of the stable,” Luke explained. My heart ached but I forced it aside in order to keep my focus on the task at hand.

“Well your hand is definitely broken but it doesn’t need to be reset or anything. I’m going to give you a powdered curcumin for the swelling and pain. Brew it with water and drink at least once a day if not more. When you run out just come tell me and I’ll give you some more.” Grabbing the wrapping I went back to Luke and gingerly moved his hand in the position I needed it to be. “This is going to hurt and once I’m done you’re not to use it until the pain and swelling go away. I’ll have you visit every few weeks to check on it. Sorry-” Luke’s pained gasp reminded me to be more gentle. “If the swelling doesn’t go down at all by the end of the week come see me, alright?” I ordered, carefully finishing up the wrap.

“Yes ma’am,” Luke smiled, the twinkle still in his eye.

“I’ll walk you out and let your master know of your condition.”

Luke nodded and we made our way through the buzzing of the kitchen and down the hall to the back door. A loud snap, stopped me in my tracks, a familiar whine followed. I didn’t want to open the door and see what I knew was happening but Luke had already opened the door with his other hand. There in the middle of the stables was my beautiful Ahsoka, bloodied and broken. Directly next to her stood the pasty bastard who had done this to her.

My vision went white, I had no control over my actions. My feet carried me over to General Hux’s arm that held some kind of serrated whip. As if my hands had a mind of their own, I pulled at General Hux’s arm to lower the whip. He hadn’t counted on anyone, least likely me, to stop him. I had caught him off guard enough to pull the whip out of his hand. His piercing blue eyes went from shocked to anger in a matter of milliseconds.

“How dare you-” he started.

“No, how dare _you_! You can’t beat her like that- you’re going to kill her!” I shrieked, holding the whip away from his grasp.

“She is _my_ animal and I can do whatever I _please_ with her. I can kill her if it suits me,” he sneered. Hot tears somehow flew past my eyelids before I had the chance to blink them away. Hux grabbed my forearm to pull me closer, his breath stinking my nose.

“It’s not just the animals I can do anything to either. If it pleases me I can do whatever I want to _you_. You’re nothing but a bug under my boot and it should please me to see you squashed then I’ll have my way,” he growled. Hate flowing from his eyes, it became harder to breathe, my heart had started to beat faster but the anger still festered.

“You’re a monster,” I whispered before saliva left my lips and landed on his face. General Hux turned his face away from me to wipe it off with the back of his gloved hand. I had concentrated so much on his face that I didn’t notice when he ripped the whip out of my hand. His eyes looked past me.

“Hold her down and expose her back. Looks like this _filly_ needs to be taught some respect.” Two men grabbed my wrists and another tore at the back of my dress until it ripped open.

The cold air rushed over my exposed back and goose flesh popped up all over. I pulled at my arms to gain control but both men were stronger than me so fighting turned out to be useless but I continued to until the first sting of the whip made contact. My head flung back and my body flinched away from the pain but it didn’t matter, another strike and then another after that followed. The air was silent aside from my screaming. No one was moving, no one could move I imagine. They had to be afraid of being next if they did anything. Tears traced my cheeks and my nose began to run. There wasn’t a sign of relief anywhere in sight and eventually the cries stopped. I had no more energy to scream or cry out. Finally it stopped, my lungs expanded to let out relief but another strike came out of nowhere and forced a blood curdling scream to leave my lips.

“Armitage that is _enough_!” I knew that voice anywhere, I expected to hear that voice in various settings but never in my life did I expect Lord Kylo Ren’s voice to be my saving grace.

“Cousin I was just disciplining this insubordinate girl,” General Hux defended. The two men continued to hold me up but I prayed that they would just let me fall.

“No, I won’t have you abusing your power like that. You have no right to hit anyone that’s employed by me,” Kylo Ren growled. A few minutes of silence rang through the air. I couldn’t see anything but anyone could feel the tension growing by the minute.

“She isn’t _employed_ by you, she’s an indentured servant. She’s _owned,_ ” Hux corrected.

“By _me_ , not you. Therefore you have no right to touch her in _any_ way,” Lord Ren growled.

Suddenly the two men released my arms and I fell forward but never touched the ground. An arm had wound itself around my arm and side, careful to avoid my back. Soft white fabric caressed my face but I refused to cry anymore.

“Luke, take the animal back to its stable and see that it’s cared for,” Kylo commanded. My eyes glanced upwards. Kylo had been staring down at me, his ink hair tousled and messy from all the bed rest. His dark eyes were searching for something in mine but I didn’t know what. “Stand up,” Kylo ordered in a soft whisper. Nodding in sleeve, I used his arm and pushed up until I stood on my own feet. My back screamed as the cold hair had started to blow on my cuts. Kylo stared at me, giving nothing away in his expression before turning back inside the manor.

Shortly after Kylo went inside Mrs. Tano came bustling out, her shrieks bouncing off all the walls in the stable. I couldn’t even make sense of what she was saying but she gently held my arm and guided me back to my own surgery where she would tend to my wounds.


	10. Chapter 10

Mrs. Tano led me to my surgery, gently placed me on my stomach on the table and went about the room, taking things off of shelves. The air felt like bees all stinging my back at the exact same time. I wanted to cry and whimper at the pain but all my energy had disappeared. Mrs. Tano left the room for a moment and a shaky breath escaped between my lips. Up till this moment I realized that I never knew raw physical pain. My father never beat me, and Lord Ren’s slap was but a tickle compared to lashes on my back. However, no matter the pain I was in I would’ve done it again to save Ahsoka, no animal deserved to be mistreated that way.

Mrs. Tano came back in, this time with a bowl filled with water and silently she sat it down and began to open my bottle of turmeric. I shook my head to stop her but she hadn’t been paying attention.

“N-no Mrs. Tano,” I begged, my voice hoarse. Mrs. Tano dropped her hands and stared at me wide eyed.

“I’ve seen you use this on the master so I know it works,” Mrs. Tano argued. I nodded, agreeing with her.

“Yes I know but - but I need to save that for Lord Ren,” I paused as a new stinging wave came over me. My face contorted itself uncomfortably as I waited for the pain to subside. “Honey and Onions will work too,” I sputtered. Mrs. Tano nodded and left the room again but returned much quicker than before.

“I’ve got it here, love, what am I to do with it?” she asked, her voice calm and collected. My face tightened at the pain but my will to speak surpassed the pain.

“Cu-cut it up and put it in my mortar along...along with the honey and crush them until it,” I stopped to let out a painful breath. “Until it becomes a paste, then smooth it onto the cuts,” I instructed.

However odd it sounded, Mrs. Tano didn’t dispute and followed my directions.

“How did Lord Ren know what was happening?” I asked, during the grinding of ingredients.

“I heard you screaming and ran to his room and told him. Honestly, I half expected him to let Mr.Hux continue but he leapt right out of bed and marched through the manor. He had an anger about him that I hadn’t seen since-” she stopped herself.

“Since when?” I asked, my interest piqued.

“I shouldn’t be talking about it, it isn’t my business but- but I haven’t seen him that angry since Mistress Rey.” That had been the second time since I had heard that name.

“Mistress Rey? I’m not familiar with her,” I pointed out.

“No you wouldn’t be, Master Ren kept her very secret but she was supposed to be his wife,” Mrs. Tano explained. Even after the brief and small kindness Lord Ren had shown me, I couldn’t imagine anyone actually agreeing to be his _wife_.

“Wife?” I asked, confused. Mrs. Tano nodded.   
“Yes, I know it's a little difficult to believe - now this might hurt, is there a specific way to put this paste on?” She asked, interrupting her story. I shook my head and braced myself. The initial sting from being whipped had numbed me but another round was coming because of acidity of the onion.

Mrs. Tano heaved a sigh before a cold new sting shook through my body. My teeth buried themselves into my bottom lip to hold any kind of sound that threatened to come out.

“Why aren’t they married then?” I asked, breathlessly.

“Well the Master went off to the war and Mistress Rey stayed here in the manor. They wrote letters as fast and as often as they would come. The war dragged on, as you know, and Mistress Rey began to feel lonely I think. She would visit the horses in the stables and go out riding, to clear her head I think. Anyways, there was a stable hand we had, Finn, lovely boy. Finn always made sure you were happy with his work but the only opinion that mattered to him was Mistress Rey’s. They began spending a lot of time together, they’d go riding together, spend time talking so on and one day Master Ren came home to surprise Mistress Rey and saw them together out in the stables.” Mrs. Tano paused to sigh but continued

“Anyways, he confronted them and demanded to know what was happening and Mistress Rey told him that she was in love with Finn. Just like that she was out of the house, young Finn was out of job but they left together and the Master hasn’t been the same since,” Mrs. Tano’s voice faltered from stoic storytelling to a saddened ending. She really cared about Lord Ren and I guess on some level I did too. He was betrayed by the woman he loved, much like Andrei from _War and Peace_ and like Captain Wentworth from _Persuasion_. They were both harsh after their betrayals, maybe I had misjudged him too much.

After Mrs. Tano finished with the paste, I had her place wrapping around my torso to keep in the onion and honey. I knew I wouldn’t smell the best in a few days but it had been part of the healing process. Mrs. Tano ordered me to my bed and I didn’t fight her, not only had I been exhausted but my mind was racing at the new information of Kylo Ren.

His behavior had finally made sense to me, I couldn’t condone his actions but I understood him better. Understood the harshness he had towards his servants, towards other people who supposedly don’t keep their word. Like my father. I knew it had been beyond my father’s control but Lord Ren didn’t know that. After a while I found that my heart ached for Kylo Ren, not in a romantic longing way but in the way that I could feel his pain.

I had called him a beast when he was just a man grieving from a lost love. Shame filled the pit of my stomach. I already needed to apologize for our earlier conversation where I told him that he intentionally mistreated his servants in order to strike fear and intimidation but now I needed to apologize for calling him a beast. _He deserves it, he slapped you, disrespected your father in your house._ I shook away the negative thoughts. They made sense and for a moment I didn’t think he deserved an apology from me but I from him. Then I remembered the one lesson my mother always taught me. _Be a better person_.

“Sorry Sundara but it’s time for the Master’s tea, shall I brew it and take it for you?” Mrs. Tano came in. I had lost all sense of time being in here but I shook my head and heaved myself off my bed and onto my feet. A dull sting was my companion but I ignored it, knowing my body would adjust.

“No, I can do it, I will need some wraps tonight too, would you mind gathering some for me?” I asked softly. Mrs. Tano nodded and left the door open as I climbed out and gathered the ingredients for the tea. Mrs. Tano came back with fresh wrappings and a tray.

“Thank you Mrs. Tano for everything you’ve done for me since I’ve been here. I know I’m not the best person-”

“Now you stop that right now, I won’t stand here while you get all emotional. You have a job to do as do I,” Mrs. Tano interrupted, hands on her hips. Closing my mouth, I nodded, smiled and went back to what I had been doing. Before I headed out to Lord Ren’s room, I grabbed the honey and onion paste in case it could be put to use before it went bad.

Like always, the hallway had been dark except for the dimly lit candles which gave one just enough light to not trip. Standing in front of the door, I knocked and walked in when instructed. An awkwardness filled me, like I knew a secret that I shouldn’t have been told. It was difficult to look Lord Ren in the eyes.

My fingers shook and fumbled at the saucer and tea cup, though it appeared graceful, I thought for sure that the tea would spill and Lord Ren would yell at me. Instead Lord Ren took the cup out of my hands not saying a word. _Was he angry with me?_ More importantly, why did I _care_ so much? I stood by his bed in silence, mustering up the courage to speak but I couldn’t decide if I should apologize first or if I should take care of his wound so I left it up to fate.

“I’m sorry-”

“How’s your-” We had spoken at the same time. My eyes glanced into his to get a depiction of his mood. They were soft, no trace of anger. “Sorry my Lord, please go first,” I apologized. Lord Ren shook his head and swallowed the last bit of the tea.

“No please, you go.” Taking in another shaky breath, I prepared the words in my mind one last time before spitting them out.

“I just wanted to apologize for this morning with General Hux - and earlier when I spoke to you about wanting to-”

“You don’t need to apologize,” Lord Ren’s voice stopped me and my eyes snapped towards his. He must’ve seen the confusion sprawled all over my face and small laugh - an _actual_ laugh bubbled past his lips. “What my cousin did to you is unforgivable even if you were in the wrong.” Any shame, or shyness I had before had disappeared and anger took its place. My eyebrows furrowed together.

“ _I_ was in the wrong?” I repeated, my voice curt and short. “Excuse me, my Lord but I wasn’t the one beating an animal with an inch of its life for no reason and I wasn’t the one who-”

“You’re right, I apologize,” Lord Ren spoke over me gently. I stopped my rant and blinked for a few moments.

“Excuse me, sir?” I asked, unsure of what I had just heard. Lord Ren sat up straighter and stared at me dead in the eye, his sight unwavering.

“You are right and I’m sorry,” he repeated but slower. My mouth dropped but I snapped it closed before anything came out of it. “My cousin doesn’t know a thing about horses, so he shouldn’t be owning one. I’ll see that he sells the animal,” Lord Ren continued, turning back to his tea.

“Thank you my Lord,” the words came out rushed. “Would you make sure she goes to someone you trust? As you know or may have put together but Ahsoka - or Pryde as General Hux calls it used to be my mare and it would kill me if I knew that she was going somewhere that would mistreat her,” I paused and realized what I had just asked for. “If it pleases you my Lord,” I rushed.

Lord Ren finished the tea and handed me the saucer and cup but didn’t say a word. The subject had been dropped and I needed to move forward.

“Um I need to clean and re-wrap the wound. I’ve also brought some paste that should help with the pain.” Obediently Lord Ren sat up and removed his white shirt.

In the past, I didn’t pay any real attention to Lord Ren’s figure because of blind hatred but now that I understood him, it was difficult not to see him as a man rather than beast. He had broad shoulders that were defined with muscle and the muscle didn’t stop there but followed down his arms and back. I had to blink several times to remain fixated on the task at hand.

With the wound exposed, I let out a sigh of relief. It had shrunk down in size and appeared to be normal in color. Tentatively I placed the back of my hand near to assure that no fever had taken place and sure enough his skin temperature.

“Is...everything alright?” Lord Ren asked, breaking the silence and pulling me back out of my mind.

“Better than alright, you don’t even need this paste. You’re healing beautifully, but I would like to wrap it one last time just in case, if that’s alright.”

“You’re the healer, do what you think is best,” he responded, his voice quiet with confidence. “I never asked,” he started as I was wrapping him. “How’s your back?” I hadn’t noticed it until he said anything but the dull ache came back.

“I’m alright, nothing a little paste can’t cure,” I responded lightly, looking up at him. My eyes connected with his and suddenly I became unabashedly aware of how close I was to him. Any closer and I would be able to feel his breath on my face. Silence grew between us but strangely it hadn’t been uncomfortable or even awkward. It had been improper though so I broke eye contact and finished wrapping him then stood a safe distance away.

“Thank you,” he whispered, his brown eyes pouring into mine. My breathing increased, I had no idea what these feelings were or what they meant or what to even call them.

“Is there anything else I can do for you?” I asked quietly, my hands grabbing at each other to distract me. Kylo Ren looked away from me and to his desk where _Persuasion_ sat.

“Would you read to me? Just a chapter or two.” Curtsying I walked over to his desk, grabbed the chair, the book and made my way back to him.

“ _Anne had not wanted this visit to Uppercross..._ ”

_Poe_

Finding Maz hadn’t been difficult at all since she had been well known throughout Coruscant. She told me that she had given the silks to my father and that he seemed troubled. She tried to talk to him about it but all he said was that “Soon all the misery would end” and nothing after that.

Next would be to talk to the people at the dock. Almost no one knew whom I had been referring, but one man said that father never left Coruscant and directed me to a pub that he frequented, my fears were being realized. I imagined Sundara’s face once I told her what happened.

The pub hadn’t been very far from the dock. Inside was dark but had some kind of murky light. My eyes scanned the room but I couldn’t see him, I shook my head, helplessness filling me. I couldn’t write to Sundara telling her about father’s location, the truth would crush her. A new kind of determination took place of helplessness. I needed to find father for Sundara’s sake. After all _she_ had been the one to work for that _monster_ Lord Kylo Ren and she deserved to have her father back, no matter the state he was in.

Wandering up to the bar keep, I made sure to order myself an ale and inquired after a man that fit my father’s description.

“Yeah the man in the dark corner, passed out on the table he’s been here awhile and hasn’t paid his _tab_ either,” the old barkeep sneered. Fishing out a small bag of money, I placed it on the counter.

“For his tab.” Making my way to the back, I kept my eyes trained on the hunched over figure. A swirl of emotions ran through me, anger, relief, love, hatred all going at the same time, never deciding on a single emotion.

My hands yanked at the chair in front of me and I slammed a first down, waking him from a nap. Father wreaked of alcohol, so much I had half a mind to pinch my nose. His dark eyes met mine and a smile broke out on his face.

“My boy...” he slurred.

“Father, what the hell are you doing here?”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Real Quick guys! Sorry this took forever and day to get to you! School has started and it's my senior year at my University so I had to focus pretty intensely but things are calming down a bit and I hope you enjoy this extra long chapter!!

_ Poe _

My emotions had decided on anger to take the lead. Afterall he hadn’t been shipwrecked or lost at sea. He had been here in Coruscant the entire time, leaving us to reap the consequences. My fingers curled into my palm until my hands were balled into fists and my eyes narrowed at the pathetic looking man, whom I had the displeasure of calling ‘father’.

“Well?” I demanded. “Aren’t you to answer my question?” Father’s gaze returned to mine but it had been filled to the brim with shame.

“I-I was going to send for you and your sister as soon as I got settled here bu-but then someone robbed me of all the money I made here.” his voice was weak, like he hadn’t spoken to another soul in days. I shook my head, confused by the story.

“Hold on, hold on, wait; start at the beginning. What happened after you got the silks?” I asked, not letting father’s eyes drop from mine.

“Well I got the silks from Maz and I had been heading back to the dock I-I had this feeling of dread. Complete sadness just took over my entire being and I realized that it was because of Lord Kylo Ren that I couldn’t return. He-he’s such a cold man and I knew that if I went back then that man would put me in my grave. So I thought that I could start over here in Coruscant. I-I had a place picked out for us and everything but I got ambushed by some men-I assume they work for Lord Ren but they took all the money I had. The only thing I had left were those blasted silks. So...so I sold them in order to stay off the street and I’ve been here ever since. I figured you two would be better off without me.”

The anger had subsided for a moment. I still had questions that needed to be answered but for a moment, I saw my father beaten and broken because of the world. My heart ached for him but then the anger returned only hotter and whiter. This had all been Kylo Ren’s fault, he had to have sent these men to get my father’s money since he wasn’t coming back with the silks but it hadn’t been enough! 

“Father, we need to get back. If what you’re saying is true then we’ve been double crossed by Lord Ren and need to save Sundara from him.” 

Father’s feeble demeanor shifted and disappeared; the man I knew had returned. His features firm, eyebrows pushed together. Eyes fired with a protection that only a father could experience. 

“What happened to Sundara?” he asked, his voice low and almost growl like. 

  
  


_ Sundara _

Lord Kylo and I had a new routine, one I rather enjoyed. The bandages were off and he resumed his daily duties and activities but at night he still had me bring the honey and ginger tea. It hadn’t been necessary but he complained of his wound being sore but I could tell that he had started to enjoy the tea because he would drink it slower than before. While he drank his tea, I would read  _ Persuasion _ and sometimes we conversed afterwards. Something had changed, he wasn’t the same beast who marched inside my home and slapped me. It was almost as if his beastliness had melted away and the man had returned - almost. 

“ _ When the distressing communication at Uppercross was over, and he had seen the father and mother quite as composed as could be hoped, and the daughter all the better for being with them, he announced his intention of returning in the same carriage to Lyme; and when the horses were baited, he was off... _ ” I paused for a moment before closing the book, a sly smile spreading across my lips.

“No, no you can’t stop there,”Kylo ordered, folding his arms. Heaving a sigh I shook my head and placed the book on the nightstand.

“I can and I did. I’ve already read three chapters but you can rest easy knowing Louisa will be alright,” I replied, standing on my feet and putting the chair back behind the desk. 

“Can I... Can I ask you something?” Kylo asked, his voice soft and almost sheepish. Turning on my heel, I moved to the front of the desk and leaned against it.

“Of course you can my Lord,” I responded coolly. Kylo moved the strands of his hair that usually covered his scar away from his face. 

“Besides your family, what’s one thing you miss?” he asked, his voice no longer sheepish but still soft and almost eager like he desperately wanted the answer.

Crossing my arms around my torso, my eyes wandered around the room, trying to pick only one thing that I missed about my freedom besides my father and brother. My memories of Ahsoka and I riding throughout the kingdom danced across my eyes and since she had been sold I missed more than I did the first time I sold her. 

“I miss Ahsoka and our rides throughout the kingdom. There was this one spot that I hadn’t even encountered previously and it happened right before all this mess happened. The trees were tall and thick, the tops of the trees covered the sky but it didn’t make me nervous. I felt safe, as if nothing could hurt me there and a little ways beyond that was a clearing with tall grass but I never got there because-” I had to stop. As the memory played out in my mind, I remembered that I saw Lord Kylo Ren on his horse Palpatine and I had yelled at him...Maybe he wouldn’t notice or remember. 

“Because?” he asked, his eyes begging for more, his whole body had inched forward in anticipation.

“B-because I had to go home and help Poe with something,” I lied, praying that he wouldn’t push or didn’t remember that it had been me. Kylo leaned back in his bed, obviously disappointed that there wasn’t more to the story. “Well my Lord - I-I should be going, it’s getting really-”

“Kylo,” he interrupted, stopping me. 

“My Lord?” I asked. Kylo laughed and shook his head making his hair fall forward in front of his scar. 

“In private like we are now, I want you to call me Kylo.” My breathing stopped, getting stuck in my throat. I had no experience in this area and no idea on how to continue but knowing the only way I was going to be able to leave was to agree.

“Of course my Lo-Kylo,” I corrected slowly, performing a low curtsy. Kylo nodded his head at me and I scurried out faster than my legs could carry. 

_ Why would he want me to call him Kylo? Why didn’t I tell him to call me by my first name? What does all this mean? More importantly, why do I want to turn around and be near him? _ My head had started to spin with all the questions, there wasn’t a person I could turn to and ask for advice without the entire manor knowing or of Kylo knowing.

Once in my room and surgery I headed straight for the mint leaves and popped one in my mouth and crushed the other combining it with Lavender then boiled some water that I had left over from the day. The mint and lavender would help with my head as well as help with sleep, which I would definitely benefit from. 

  
_______  
  
  


“Alright, this should help with the burn. Keep it wrapped until tomorrow, understood?” the quiet maid nodded her head. She wouldn’t speak to me, but it had been easy for me to understand what she needed. Smiling at her, I sent her off back to the kitchen and after I had finished cleaning up, I went up out of my surgery to help Mrs. Tano but instead, standing in the middle of the room was a very tall and dark Lord Kylo Ren and a smiling Mrs. Tano behind him. She made eye contact with me, smiled again and gestured in my direction. Kylo turned his body and suddenly his tall confident frame buckled into something unsure and almost nervous.  _ Had Father arrived? _

“Yes, my Lord?” I asked after a moment’s silence. Kylo cleared his throat and looked around the room. Whatever he needed to say, he didn’t want an audience. “Shall we speak in my surgery?” I asked, trying to prompt some kind of dialogue out of him.

“Yes, i-it’s about my shoulder,” he responded, his voice attempting to come off confident but something was wrong, I could feel it and he didn’t want anyone to know.

Leading the way, I turned back towards the stairs to my surgery, opened the door and waited for Kylo at the bottom. The door had closed behind him and before I could say anything else or ask him what happened, Kylo came quite close to me. His breath had danced on my nose, his dark eyes were still and unmoving from my face.

“My L-Kylo is something the matter?” I asked, my own eyes searching his face for any kind of hint as to what he was feeling or thinking.

“ Miss Dameron, I-I want you - I mean- I wondered - hoped that you would join me on a ride?” I wanted to laugh. This whole time I imagined something awful about to happen but it had been the opposite. Thankfully, I held my composure and nodded.

“I would love that, do you have an extra mare or pony for me to ride then?” I asked, leaning away from Kylo’s face. Kylo’s expression had softened and a small hint of a smile took over his mouth as he nodded. 

There wouldn’t have been a way for us to walk out of the manor without people staring but for once, I didn’t care what the other girls thought of me or what assumptions and rumors they would spread. I knew what was happening and I knew that it was proper so for a moment it didn’t matter what the other girls did. However, instead of my normal relaxed pace, I sped up to a light jog that was passable for a walk. Kylo lingered, taking his time without a care as to who saw us together, leaving the manor. 

The cool weather hit me first and it felt like a shower of fresh air. My lungs expanded, taking advantage of the crisp weather. My eyes closed as I continued to breathe deeply, engulfing myself in the atmosphere. 

“What are you doing?” Kylo asked. Opening my eyes, I saw that he stood right next to me with a confused grin sprawled on his face. 

“Autumn is my favorite season, I was just immersing myself into it,” I answered. Kylo laughed once, the same laugh as last night, a little breathy but still genuine. 

“You’ve got to be the strangest woman I’ve ever met.”

“I’ll take it as a compliment,” I answered looking straight ahead at the stables. “Shall we go?” I asked, moving towards Palpatine’s stall.

“Yes but your horse isn’t actually in the stables so if you’re comfortable, would you permit me to ride with you on Palpatine in order to get to your ride?” he asked, one of his eyebrows arched higher than the other.

“You’ve got to be the strangest man  _ I’ve _ ever met,” I rebuttled. This time we both laughed but I ended up nodding. “I would be happy to ride with you my Lord,” I answered with a small curtsy. 

Palpatine had already been saddled and ready to go so together we sat atop of the dark horse and we left the manor behind and had started going up the hill we had gone the last time we were both on Palpatine. The leaves were in full autumn colors now, the reds and yellows coating the two of us. It would’ve been so easy to lose all sense of direction and let my mind wander away to worlds unknown but we had stopped. 

Bringing myself back to the present, my eyes scanned our surroundings but found nothing. Kylo had jumped off Palpatine and tying off the reins, Kylo’s dark eyes went up to mine and held them steady.

“Your horse is just a little ways off,” he announced, holding out his arms for me to jump. My hands grabbed his arms and slowly I slid off the giant black stallion.

“Ok, where?” I asked, looking past Kylo but coming up with nothing. 

“I need you to close your eyes,” he ordered softly. My eyes snapped back up at him, unconvinced of this plan. “Trust me, it’s a surprise,” he soothed. I narrowed my eyes, still unsure of the idea. “I won’t be gone long, hold on to Palpatine and I’ll be back,” he promised. 

Releasing an over dramatic sigh, I shut my eyes and listened to Kylo’s footsteps walk away until there had been nothing but pin dropping silence. The only reassurance I had was Palpatine who stood still like a statue. It hadn’t been long until I had lost track of the time, I had no idea where Kylo was or how long he’d been gone. My active imagination had started to take over. Was he okay? Did something happen? Is he hurt - or worse?

“Kylo?” I called out, hoping he was near enough to hear me. Impatiently I waited for a sound - any kind of sound that told me that he was alright but nothing. “Kylo?” I called again, this time with more panic. Still, there was nothing. “My Lord I’m going to open my eyes if you don’t tell me that you’re alright.”

“Go ahead and open them,” his voice came to my ear. My body jumped and turned, my eyes were open and Kylo stood in front me with the same closeness that he had in the surgery.

“Kylo you  _ scared  _ me, you made it seem like you were going to be gone for a moment but it felt like an eternity. What if you had gotten  _ hurt  _ and I had no idea because you wanted to play this stupid  _ joke _ ?” I snapped, my voice thick with poison. It didn’t matter because Kylo stood there with a wide grin on his face that showed his laughter lines. 

“Turn around,” Kylo responded softly - almost whisper like. Pouting, I rolled my eyes and moved around and there standing right in front of Palpatine had been the most beautiful white mare with extraordinary blue eyes.

“Ahsoka?” My voice couldn’t go above a mousey squeak. Ahsoka remained where she was as I walked numbly towards her with my hands outstretched. Her coat had been restored to it’s gorgeous color, she didn’t look the same as she did the last I saw her. 

“How?” I asked.

“I bought her off of Armitage then I had her sent off to someone I trust and they helped her get back to her old self,” Kylo explained. I tore my eyes away from my mare and rested them on Kylo’s warm face. 

“You  _ bought _ her?” I asked. Kylo nodded and leaned against Palpatine’s rump. 

“Yes I did - for you. Ahsoka doesn’t belong with anyone but you,” he added. There weren’t any words that I could say that would aptly describe all the emotions flowing through me, the temptation to hug Kylo had grown but I remained where I was.

“Why though? I mean I don’t understand why-”

“All these questions, just get on the horse so we can leave-” his voice went back to being impatient but he stopped himself and took a breath. “I still have a place that I want to show you,” he resumed with a calm voice. Nodding, I hauled myself on top of Ahsoka and without warning Kylo pushed Palpatine into a run. 

We followed in suit and watched the orange leaves fly past us. At first Palpatine had been well ahead of us but in time Ahsoka managed to catch up and soon we were racing side by side. I tossed a glance over to Kylo and saw that he had already been staring at me. I flashed him a smile before pushing Ahsoka faster, leaving Palpatine in the dust. I hadn’t felt this free in months, there wasn’t a care I had in the world.

I craned my head back to see how behind Kylo and Palpatine were and they hadn’t been very far. I stared for a moment and noticed something that I hadn’t before. Kylo’s smile, he had lines tracing his cheeks when he smiled, his eyes were bright, his brows relaxed. It was like his entire face was smiling and it was so beautiful.

“Slow down here!” Kylo bellowed after me. Pulling Ahsoka slower, I waited for Kylo to do the same but instead he raced past me. Laughing at the betrayal I kicked Ahsoka back into gear but it had been hopeless, Ahsoka was exhausted so instead of a run it had been a canter.

Kylo hadn’t gone very far until he too had slowed his pace to a stop. When Ahsoka and I caught up to him, Kylo had already dismounted and his eyes were staring off towards a field with tall sand yellow grass. There were trees surrounding the entire area, all at once my breath left my body in sheer awe but in the back in my mind, there had been something familiar about this place but I couldn’t place when or if I had even been there before.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Kylo asked, his head close to my thigh. No words would come out so I nodded and smiled. Kylo stood back and extended his arms for me. Slowly I took them and slid off of Ahsoka but my eyes wouldn’t waiver from the clearing. 

“Shall we go?” Kylo asked, pulling me from my mind. It was then the realization had hit me. I still hadn’t let go of Kylo. Ripping my hands away from his arms, I felt my neck go warm and wrapped my arms around my waist. 

“Yes, lead the way,” my voice leapt out of my throat. The breathy laugh of Kylo ripple through his lips as he held his arm out. My eyes glanced from Kylo’s face to his arm, trying to figure out if this was a test or trick. “I’m your servant, no need for manners,” I answered, half laughing in case it had turned out to be a joke.

“You are a lady and I am a gentleman, and if you’ll permit me, I’d like to take your arm,” he responded with a calm seriousness. In a different life, I had been a lady and in a different life he had been a gentleman but we were both so changed but maybe we both could go back to where we were once in life. 

Taking his arm, Kylo led me further into the field until we were at about the center of the field. Kylo dropped my arm and motioned for me to sit.

“It’s beautiful out here, how did you find it?” I asked, lowering myself to the ground.

“My mother would take me up here when I was younger,” Kylo sat himself in front of me. “After she died I would come up here alone to think or explore around the surrounding forest.” 

I found myself examining the trees that were encompassing us, there had been something familiar about the trees. They were different from the ones that we passed on our way up.

“I know I haven’t been here before but it all seems so familiar to me, maybe I came here in a dream once,” I almost laughed at myself, resting my gaze back onto Kylo who wore a smug grin on his face. 

“You have been here before, in those woods just behind you,” he motioned his hand behind me. I craned my head to look but nothing came to memory. “I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t remember it happened a while ago right after your father left. I went riding because I needed some time to think and I came to this field but decided to venture further. I had barely entered when I saw the most beautiful and serene sight.” Kylo’s face grew softer and my smile grew encouragingly. 

“What was it?” I asked. Kylo tore his eyes away from the trees and looked at me. 

“A woman,” he answered. He couldn’t have been talking about me. ‘Serene’ is an adjective that has never been synonymous to me. 

An unexpected feeling rushed through me. Jealousy. I had no business being jealous and it didn’t make sense. I had very little attachment to Kylo and even smaller attraction. After all he was keeping me as a servant, threatened my father, as well as threatening to throw both my brother and I in debtor’s prison. Yet as he sat across from me, his expression soft and a gentle countenance I’d be lying to myself if I said I didn't have any feelings towards him. 

“A woman? What made her serene?” I asked, maintaining my smile. Kylo laughed once through his nose and shook his head. 

“When I saw her she was sitting astride a white horse, her eyes were closed and the sun had hit her in such a way I almost thought that she was a nymph or forest spirit - that is until she spoke.” I hated that my curiosity was now piqued by this mystical woman but I needed to know more.

“What did she say?” I asked, leaning forward with interest. Kylo’s face twitched as if he were trying not to laugh or as if he didn’t want to spoil the ending. 

“She made eye contact with me and told me that it was rude to stare,” Kylo’s gaze remained cemented to mine as my face dropped. I was that woman. Kylo knew that it was me in the forest, he must have known that night when I told him about the clearing that I saw. Heat rose on my neck and ventured behind my ears.

“Kylo! I am so sorry, it was inexcusably rude of me to shout that at you,” the apology spilled out of my mouth so fast that it almost wasn’t coherent.

Kylo didn’t hold back anymore, his laugh barreled through his body, his shoulders shaking. His face lit up and even in my shame a warmth spread through my chest at his happy demeanor. A giggle started to bubble out of me and for a moment everything felt right in the world. Just a moment. 

“I really am sorry though, I thought you were some kind of highwayman or something and I thought that if I came off as coarse then you’d leave me be,” I explained through my giggles. Kylo shook his head and waved his hand in protest.    
“No you have nothing to be sorry for, I shouldn’t have stared at you for so long. It’s for you to accept  _ my _ apology,” Kylo corrected.

“Well then I accept,” I replied lightly. Kylo’s face darkened and he turned away from me. I moved my body so that I could see his face. “What is it?” I asked softly. 

“You’re too good,” Kylo responded so quietly I almost couldn’t hear him. 

“Trust me I’m not,” I answered with a smirk and shaking my head. Kylo’s head snapped up in my direction, his brown eyes pouring into mine.

“How could you say that?” he asked, his voice hollow. My eyebrows furrowed together and I tilted my head. “I’ve been so horrible to you. I accused your father of being a thief, ruined your reputation, took your home - Ahsoka in retribution and I- I slapped you when you defended your father and brother.” Kylo’s jaw had clenched itself, his entire body tense with disgust. Truthfully, I had forgotten about the slap in the past week but he hadn’t. 

Tentatively, I placed a hand on Kylo’s arm to which he brought his face up to mine. I offered a small smile but Kylo’s lips remained turned down. 

“Kylo...” I started. “Kylo I forgive you.” was all I could muster. Kylo’s eyes grew but everything else remained still. 

“How?” he asked. I broke eye contact and let my eyes drift away while I came up with an answer. I couldn’t explain how; there were too many things that happened that led up to the forgiveness but after thinking, a name popped in my head that explained the how.

“Rey,” I responded looking back at him. Now Kylo dropped his eyes from me and let out a loud sigh. 

“So it’s pity then,” he concluded with a tight frown.

“No, no you misunderstand me. Someone told me about Rey and how she hurt you and it all made sense on why you acted the way you did but then you changed or went back to how you were before Rey and it’s because of that I can forgive you,” I explained, trying to get him to look at me but Kylo’s sight remained faraway. “You really are a good man under all the harshness,” I added. When Kylo still didn’t offer me a glimpse I sighed and stared down at my hands. 

“It’s because of you, you know,” Kylo’s voice entered our silent surroundings. My eyes snatched up and met his. 

“What’s because of me?” I asked, my head tilted to one side. Kylo moved his eyes around the meadow as if he were unsure if he should go on. 

“The change,” he started. “When I got shot I thought for sure you were going to let me die and I wouldn’t have blamed you. Instead you did everything you could save me and even after that I started to see you and hear about you from Mrs. Tano and eventually I found that I-” Kylo cut himself off and shook his head. My heart had been ferociously beating against my rib cage against my will. 

“I-I think you’re giving me too much credit... I didn’t want you to die because I don’t want your cousin, General Hux to take your place. He isn’t...the same as you,” I explained. 

“Ah, that still doesn’t change anything for me. It especially doesn’t change how I feel about you.” My breathing became deeper, as if my lungs needed more air or I would pass out. I had no idea how I felt, I knew how my body was reacting but had it been because Kylo was the only semi-decent man that I’d come into contact with or was it?

I moved away from Kylo in order to control my body.

“Kylo... I... I don’t know if these feelings are real,” I responded slowly, not meeting his stare.

“What does that mean?” Kylo asked, with a touch of harshness in his voice. 

“We’ve spent so much time together. I’m the only woman close to your station that you’ve spoken with in a while that- that you only  _ think _ you have feelings for me but once you get back out into society with other ladies you’ll be so enamored that you’ll just forget-” Kylo took my hand and roughly placed it on his chest, near his heart. 

“This is real, this is how my heart beats now whenever I see you, hear your name mentioned - hell whenever I  _ think _ about you. You can’t tell me that that’s not real, that  _ my  _ feelings aren’t real.” 

The loud heavy beats of his heart thumped against my palm but I couldn’t look at him because I knew my own heart drummed just like his.

“I’m scared,” I finally managed to whisper. Kylo moved closer to me, the top of his knee paralleled my upper arm. Kylo took my hand off of his chest but cradled it like it would shatter if he were to let go. 

“What are you scared of?” he whispered, his face only inches away from mine now. Hesitantly, my wandering eyes rested on his own. 

“My father and brother, I’m scared that once I leave your house and you’re surrounded by ladies wealthier than I, you’ll forget. I’ve never had these feelings for anyone before and I’m scared of them and what they mean.”

“You don’t have to be afraid, I can’t say how your family will react but I swear that no other woman in the world could take me away from you.” His voice had been so firm that I nearly let go of my anxieties but seeing my brother and father in my mind continued to hold me back.

“Kylo...” 

“Ben.” My head tilted to one side and my eyebrows connected to one another. 

“What?” Kylo smiled encouragingly and took my other hand into his.

“My name, Ben, that’s what I want you to call me from now on,” he clarified. 

“Wait, I thought Kylo Ren was your name?” Kylo smiled wider and shook his head.

“No, ‘Kylo Ren’ is the title that comes with the house. The name my parents gave me is Ben Solo and I want you to call me Ben.” I nodded in understanding, connecting all the dots. 

“Ah, but why?” I asked. 

“Because it’s a level of intimacy that I want to share with you,” he answered simply, moving a clump of hair away from his face, revealing his scar. It seemed such a small thing that I didn’t see how it could be considered “intimate”.

“Alright, Ben, then you must call me Sundara,” I responded. 

“Sundara,” Ben drawled. “What does it mean?” he asked.

“It’s Nepali for beauty.” Ben looked upwards and shook his head. 

“Of course it is,” he mused before looking back down to me. 

A moment of silence fell between us. Ben moved his face closer to mine and I couldn’t move but did I really want to? My head swirled with thoughts of what my father and brother would say or do if they found out that I had feelings for the man they hated more than anyone else in all the world. Would they disown me? Hate me? Would they try to kill him?

The thought of being abandoned by my family and the thought of them trying to kill him turned out to be too great a fear. At the last second before Ben’s lips would touch mine, I leaned away and turned my face away him, my jaw quivering.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. I couldn’t see Ben’s face, so I couldn’t determine his mood. 

Ben dropped my hands and extended his arms until I had been in his grip. Ben pulled me forward, his arms holding me tightly against his body.

“I’ll prove to you that you have nothing to fear, just give me time,” he muttered against my head. I nodded into his shoulder and used my arms to hug him back. Right here, right now, Ben made me feel like I was back in the forest that time I first saw him; unabashedly myself.


	12. Chapter 12

Seven days remained. A week for my father and Poe to return to Alderaan or something would happen. I had no idea what Ben intended for me if neither Poe or father returned. I knew Ben had feelings for me and I was only starting to make sense of my own feelings. I wondered if Ben would simply keep me on as a healer or if he really meant to put me in debtor’s prison but reflecting on what he said back in the clearing, I knew that debtor’s prison wouldn’t be my destination...still, that anxiety plagued my mind regardless.

Night brought an end to the first day of the last week. Despite my busy mind, I gathered Ben’s tea and made my way to his room. When I entered this time Ben hadn’t been in his bed but sitting behind his desk, hunched forward looking through various papers.

“Sundara,” he greeted with a sly smile. Ben turned to the window behind him and stretched. “Is it night already?” he asked.

“Yes, yes it is,” I answered simply. “Did you want me to come back later or perhaps we skip _Persuasion_ altogether?” Ben stood with an outstretched hand.

“No, no I’m quite finished - please,” he motioned to a chair that sat parallel to him across his desk.

Gently I placed the tray down, poured his tea and handed him the cup, which he took but not before holding my hand in his own for a moment much longer than proper manners dictate. A smirked crept along my lips but I avoided eye contact, I didn’t want him to see that I was a little distressed.

“How are you this evening?” he asked, once he was settled with the tea. My mind raced for a polite answer but not _too_ polite.

“Fine, just like any other evening I suppose,” my voice felt stiff but I prayed that he didn’t know a difference.

“Ah, okay,” he responded slowly. An unbearable long moment of silence passed between us, which I spent looking around his room like I hadn’t seen it a hundred times. “Shall we read, then?” Ben suggested. Smiling, I pulled the book off of a nearby shelf and turned to our last page and began.

“ _Sir Walter, his two daughters, and Mrs Clay, were the earliest of all their party at the rooms in the evening..._ ”

“Have I done something wrong Sundara?” Ben interrupted. This time I had been forced to look at him. He sat leaning against his chair, arms folded, eyebrows pushed together but the rest of his features were soft.

“Of course not, why would you think that?” I asked, glued to his expression.

“You’ve barely said anything to me, you’re acting strange - distant and there are only two other reasons I can think of that would make you act the way you are if I haven’t done anything wrong, as you say. One, you’ve come to a conclusion to your feelings and they don’t reciprocate mine or two you’ve heard bad news regarding your father and brother. So which is it?” he asked, his brown eyes demanding an answer.

Closing the book, I debated one last time if I should tell him the truth or simply tell him that I wasn’t feeling well. Ben walked around his desk and crouched to the floor so that I had to look down at him.

“Don’t be afraid to trust me with your thoughts,” he muttered, his voice almost begging me. The truth it was then.

“Six days,” I started. At first Ben’s expression shifted from concern to confusion but I continued. “The bargain we had was for six weeks and this is the last week Poe has to return with father and while I’ve been here I haven’t had a single letter from him. I have no idea what happened to him or father and I don’t know what’s going to happen to me and I just-”

“Shh, shh, shh,” Ben cut me off and pulled me into a hug where my head rested on his shoulder. I still had fears and anxieties about the situation but whenever Ben held me like this I felt safe or shielded. “I’m sure they’re just fine and on their way home. As for the bargain, I know what I said but I was a different man then, the only people who know about the bargain besides us are Mrs.Tano and Armitage. Mrs.Tano isn’t going to make a spectacle of the situation as for Armitage, I doubt he cares.”

My head snapped up at the mention of Hux. Ben needed to know about Hux but how could I tell him that his cousin was a serial rapist without betraying Rose's secret? Would he even believe me?

“What is it?” he asked softly. His eyes moved across my face quickly as if my expression alone would answer his question.

“I’ve heard some things about your cousin. Nothing has happened to me yet but I would just keep a close eye on how he treats the maids,” I responded slowly, choosing each word carefully. Ben pursed his lips together but nodded.

“You have nothing to be afraid of, while you’re here no one will harm you - again,” he added the last bit with a small laugh and I couldn’t help but join a little.

“Is there anything else bothering you tonight?” Ben asked, moving his hands to my balled fists. I shook my head and released a breath I didn’t know I had been holding. Ben smiled, lightly squeezed my fists then went back to his seat. “Do you feel up to reading?” he asked. Nodding, I opened the book again and started over. 

“ _Sir Walter, his two daughters, and Mrs Clay, were the earliest of all their party at the rooms in the evening..._ ”

Shutting the book at the end of our chapter, I stood up and placed the book back on the shelf. I went to curtsy but Ben stood up and closed any distance between us. My back hugged the wall, begging to become a second skin to no avail. Ben’s hands were pressed against the wall on both sides of me. His face hovered over mine, his hair covered half of his face.

“Ben,” I whispered. His eyes closed and a satisfied smile broke out on his face.

“Say it again,” he responded. For a moment my eyebrows huddled together before I understood and my body relaxed under him.

“Ben,” I repeated with the same level of softness. Ben opened his eyes again and he moved closer to my face. I knew what he was about to do, my fear implored me to leave his room and think about how this would hurt my family but my feet remained cemented to the floor. He stopped only inches away from my lips, his gaze looking for permission to continue. My fingers snaked up to his fallen hair and pushed it away from his scar and I smiled.

Ben’s lips softly met mine, being careful not to overwhelm me. My stomach exploded with ecstasy, my head swirled like when I was younger and I would spin around in a circle. I pushed my lips towards his deepening it a little. Ben dropped his arms and rested his hands at the base of my jaw. I could’ve kissed him all night but reluctantly Ben moved away from me but his hands stayed on my face and neck. Ben smiled wide enough for me to see his laugh lines and a warmth spread through my chest, I wanted him to have that smile everyday.

“I better let you leave,” Ben whispered. Nodding I pushed myself off the wall and stepped away from Ben’s hands.

“Goodnight, Sundara,”Ben whispered as I opened the door. Turning towards him I smiled.

“Goodnight, Ben.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is your official Trigger Warning. There is rape in this chapter, read at your own risk

My back was starting to get sore, it had to mean that I was healing but I never expected this much pain from a healing wound. I decided to skip breakfast in order to lay down a little longer but my eyes closed and didn’t open again until an excited Rose shook me awake.

“Can’t believe you’re still asleep! The whole house is bustling!” In the entire time that I knew Rose, excited had never been an adjective used to describe her.

Sitting up and gently stretching my back so to not cause more pain, I waited for Rose to continue with whatever news she had.

“Well, what is it?” I asked groggily while twisting my hair back behind my ears.

“Lord Ren is putting on a ball and he’s invited the _entire_ household!” My eyes grew, more alert than before.

“What? Why? When? How?” I couldn’t decide on what answer I wanted first. Rose giggled at my own excitement and sat down on the side of my bed.

“I’m not exactly sure on the why but I do have a hunch,” she gave me a suspicious side eye. Blushing, I turned away from her. “But the official reason he said is that he wanted to bring life back into the house and wanted to show us that he was grateful for everything we’ve done. As for how, we’ll be setting it up and cooking for it all early then we’ll be dancing the night away and it’s tonight!” Rose explained, she reminded me of a child on Christmas and it was contagious.

“Well it sounds like we’ve got work to do,” I went to stand up but a sharp pain in my back forced me to lean against the nearest wall. The excitement had gone from Rose’s expression and was replaced with worry.

“Are you alright Sundara?” she asked, holding my arm to bring me to a standing position. “Perhaps I should get Mrs. Tano-”

“No, no I’m quite alright. My wounds are healing and it’s just stinging a little. I'll be fine, don’t worry.” Rose examined me with cynical brow but with a smile and a wave she walked out of my surgery. I needed to examine my back just to be sure that it was healing and it wasn’t infected.

“Sundara! I need you up here please!” Mrs. Tano called out, checking my back would have to wait.

The kitchen was chaos, every available hand was busy mincing, mixing or stirring. It was rather exciting to see everyone doing something bigger than the normal routine. After a moment of searching I found a bustling Mrs.Tano walking around making sure everyone was busy.

“Ah nice to see you out and about Sundara,” she greeted dryly.

“Yes I’m sorry Mrs.Tano, I’m not feeling quite like myself but what can I do?” Mrs.Tano stopped to examine me and then shook her head.

“Goddess child you look like death itself, go and lie down and take care of yourself.”

“No, really I’m quite alright I’d like to help for the ball tonight.” Mrs.Tano’s face grew, obviously shocked. Mrs.Tano, I knew, wasn’t accustomed to people telling her ‘no’ to an order.

“It wasn’t a suggestion Sundara, if you’re ill I don’t need you contaminating _my_ kitchen. You are to go back into your surgery, find out what’s wrong yourself and lie down until you know that you aren’t ill. Do you understand me?” Mrs.Tano’s normally kind and firm voice went straight firm and commanding.

“Yes Mrs.Tano,” I responded slowly.

Back in my surgery, I lit all the candles and fires I could so I could get a good look at my back. Painfully, my fingers undid the top of my dress, then I pulled at the front of the chemise and lowered it below my ribs.

I couldn’t see all of the whip marks but the ones I could see were swollen, which was part of the healing process but I couldn’t detect any pus or bleeding. So I probably just needed some ginger tea and some rest. As for the pain, it was most likely caused because of how much I use the muscles in the back and it was just sore. Embarrassment seeded itself in my core. I bet anyone else who would’ve been whipped like this would’ve been fine but because my breeding and growing up I’ve never had to experience this kind of pain. Getting dressed again, I grabbed what I needed to brew my tea then sat down with _War and Peace_ and slowly sipped at the tea until my eyes grew heavy again and sleep took me.

I dreamed, I dreamed that I wasn’t in my bed but that of Ben’s. White light surrounded the two of us. We laughed and held onto each other, I had never seen such happiness between two people before. I had little memory of my mother but I questioned if my father and she were this happy. A flash appeared and Ben and I were no longer in bed but sitting on the ground in the clearing, his head was in my lap, hair clear of his face and I sat reading to him. My dream self looked up from the book and stared at me.

“This can all be yours,” she whispered.

Another flash but I was home, my family home. The kettle was crying, another version of my dream self came to take it away from the fire. Dream self had poured into four cups and scurried to the table. The front doors opened and familiar laughter filled the hall. Father and Poe came in with their guns, they had to have been hunting.

“Any luck?” Dream self asked them, standing by the table and receiving a hug from father.

“Actually yes, would you like to see the prize kill we got today?” Father nodded towards Poe to fetch the kill. “I think you’ll be very happy to see this kill.” Poe returned with a rather small sack, surely their “prize kill” couldn’t be so small. I ventured closer to the table to see what Father and Poe had killed. Grabbing the end of the sack Poe let a black sphere land on the table, I couldn’t think of what kind of animal it was.

“Father, Poe you shouldn’t have!” Dream self squealed with glee but I still had no idea what it was. Dream self picked up the sphere and pushed aside some of the black that was next to it then flipped it around for everyone to see.

My heart sank, if vomiting in a dream were normal I would have done so. In my dream self’s hand was none other than the decapitated head of Ben Solo. His dark eyes glazed over with death and no pigment to his skin.

“How could you?” I asked but no one listened to me. I continued to scream out for them to look at me but they wouldn’t. My knees hit the stone floor and while I tried to tear away my gaze but I couldn’t look away from Ben. Tears pooled over, I wanted to go back to the happy side of the dream but all I could hear were the laughters of my family.

My eyes snapped open and were met with the large brown eyes of Ben. They weren’t glazed over, his cheeks still had color in them and I could hear his breathing or was it my breathing?

“Ben,” I sighed before reaching towards him.

“Sundara, what happened?” he asked softly, hugging me closer.

“Nothing, I just had a bad dream is all,” I whispered. The walls around my surgery were darker than earlier. Glancing to the nearest window, I was greeted with indigo skies and twinkling stars. _How long had I slept?_

“Are you alright? Mrs.Tano said that you might be ill,” Ben asked, sitting next to me.

“No, I’m fine, does she need me or did you need me for something?” I asked. Ben smiled and shook his head.

“No, no all the work is done everyone is getting ready for the ball, which is what you should be doing.”

“I actually hadn’t planned on going, I’ve nothing appropriate to wear,” I responded slowly. Ben rolled his eyes and reached behind him to show a long box.

“I thought of that and since it’s my fault that you’ve nothing to wear I went ahead and had this made for you.” My hand grazed the box.

“I really shouldn’t accept something like this,” I whispered, still transfixed on the box.

“What if I order you to, would that make you feel better?” Ben responded. Playfully narrowing my eyes I glanced up to his mischievous face.

“A little,” I admitted.

“Fine, then I order you to accept this gift and wear it tonight.”

“Well if you insist,” I responded dryly before opening the box.

My eyes grew with wonder and amazement. The bodice was cream colored and plain at first sight but upon closer inspection, it could be seen that there were intricate designs stitched in that was the same color as the bodice. Pulling it all the way out, my breath left my body, it was more than I thought. The skirt was long, long enough to cover my toes and at the bottom were all kinds of flower embellishments of different colors. The flowers sporadically made their way up to the halfway point of the dress.

“I can’t accept this,” I muttered so softly that I didn’t think Ben had heard me.

“Yes you can and you will because I ordered you to,” Ben responded quietly. My hands dropped the dress back into the box.

“No, no it’s too grand. What will people think?” Wrapping my arms around my torso, I stood from the table. Ben followed me and rested his hands on the top of my upper arms, just below my shoulders

“It doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks, the only thing that matters is what you and I know, which is that you deserve this and that I love you.” I couldn’t argue with him whenever he told me that he loved me, a sigh left my mouth accompanied with a smile.

“Fine, I’ll wear it but you need to leave so I can get ready,” I responded with a smirk. Ben reciprocated the smile before leaving me alone in the surgery.

The music had already been playing which meant that people were already dancing. A bright light went past the door. My nerves were settling in, it had been so long since I’d been to a ball and even longer since I wore such a gorgeous gown and it would be the first time that I went to a ball seeing someone that I had grown fond of. Taking in one last breath I pushed the doors open and let the light fill me.

I had never seen the ballroom before but it didn’t disappoint with it’s bright lights and decorations. The orchestra was made up of local musicians - some that I even recognized. People were already dancing and in the distance, the dark haired Lord himself. His hair had been loosely tied back and he was dressed in all black, which wasn’t surprising at all but he did look different, happy or relaxed. Ben had been dancing with Mrs.Tano who was just as beautiful as everyone else here.

When the music stopped, I watched the couple’s disperse and talking echoed around the ballroom. Ben bowed to Mrs.Tano and glanced my way briefly but then he made a second look and a different kind of happiness took over his expression, a soft happiness. His eyebrows relaxed but his eyes grew wide and almost looked glossy. A knowing smile danced on his lips and without taking his eyes off of me, he made his way towards me. I loved him. I had to have loved him, there couldn’t be any other explanation for my feelings but that didn’t mean that they weren’t temporary - for either of us but for tonight, I wouldn’t question it.

Ben stood near me and bowed, I responded with a curtsy. My blood sang for his closeness, for his touch. Ben extended a hand to me.

“May I?” he asked softly.

“Of course,” I responded, taking his hand into mine.

Ben led me to the center of the dance floor and nodded towards the orchestra which played a semi slow waltz. Ben’s hands went to position, one holding my hand and the other on the top of my back. My body involuntarily winced at the touch and Ben’s eyes scanned my face looking for answers.

“I’m alright, it just hurts a little bit right there,” I assured, moving Ben’s hand just a tad lower where it didn’t hurt.

Dancing with Ben had been like dancing on a cloud; light, airy and like a dream. He waltzed us around the room, never taking his eyes off of me. I could hear whispers in the background but paid them no mind. Nothing would ruin this moment, where mine and Ben’s souls were intimately connected.

The song ended much too soon and while other partners were leaving we remained where we stood. I bit down on my lip, not wanting to ruin this moment with words but the background whispers proved to be too loud.

“Shouldn’t you dance with someone else now?” I asked quietly, my hand still on his shoulder.

“Perhaps but there isn’t anyone else I want to be dancing with,” he muttered. Blush crept to my cheeks there wouldn’t be any hiding it with my dark hair twisted and pinned behind my head.

The orchestra warmed up to another song, a more lively one this time. Another dance with Ben would definitely make the girls talk.

“Excuse me cousin but I believe I should dance with Miss Dameron next,” Hux’s pasty face stood parallel to us. Ben gave him a skeptical stare and tightened his grip on my hand. Hux raised his hands towards his face. “I only wish to show my apology for my actions,” Hux promised but ]I knew that he was incapable of such sincerity and I hoped Ben would see it as well. However Ben dropped his hand from my back and handed my other one towards Hux’s. Quickly my eyes went back to Ben’s hoping to convey a sense of discomfort but Ben wasn’t a mind reader so I could only pray that Hux truly had good intentions.

Hux turned my body towards his and put a hand on my back, not being gentle at all. A painful hiss left my lips and slimy smile crept on Hux’s face. He had no good intentions, I prayed that the song was a short one. Hux took the lead and pushed me this way and that, his dance style had been so commandeering and forceful, it frightened me. My heart pumped quickly but not in the same way it had when Ben had touched me. I could feel a wave of nausea take over and my skin lose its blushed pigment.

My eyes wandered the ballroom, desperately looking for Ben and hoping that he was looking for me as well. Ben had found another partner in Rose who was as red as a ripe tomato and Ben being the gracious partner, kept his eyes trained on Rose.

“I do so love you in this dress Miss Dameron, where did you acquire it?” Hux asked.

“It was a gift,” I responded curtly, avoiding his bright blue eyes.

“Hm, I bet I can guess from whom.” Hux paused a bit before pulling me closer until my ear was at his lips. “He loves you, you know. Lord Ren told me that he wishes to marry you.” My eyes clapped back to Hux’s and he smiled smugly. “Thought that would get your attention.” We had stopped dancing, Hux dropped his hand from my back but tightened his grip on my wrist.

Frantically I searched for Ben in the crowd but couldn’t see him. Hux yanked my arm forward, leading me away from the ballroom. I tried to resist, I pushed against him but Hux was stronger than me. He led me through the darkened hallways, passages I hadn’t seen before until he stopped in front of a door.

“What are you doing?” I asked. “Why am I here?” Hux opened the door and shoved me inside before locking us inside.

“Because if you accept him and produce a child then my chances of becoming the next Lord Kylo Ren get squandered and I just can’t have that.” An epiphany struck.

“ _You’re_ the one that shot Ben in the forest,” I snapped, scanning the room he put us in. It had been completely empty except for a desk and a couple of bookshelves. I could use a book but that would only do so much damage, it wouldn’t matter unless I got the key from him.

“Ah such a clever girl, I _should_ kill you since you know the truth but I can’t kill you, because it’d be too obvious that I was the culprit and then Ren will cast me out but if I _ruin_ you and he discovers us together, it’ll be just like Rey and that stable boy all over again. He won’t listen to reason and he won’t listen to anything you say. I might get rebuked but I’ll eventually win his forgiveness and his title,” a snake-like grin slithered onto his face.

Hux twisted my arm, forcing my body to turn away from him. He shoved me against the wall and pressed his body close to mine. Panic took over, but I fought to remain calm, if I panicked now then there wouldn’t be any hope for escape but my ears were ringing so loud that concentrating had been a trial.

“Let go of me,” I ordered. Hux laughed and twisted my arm further, a cry left my mouth.

“Go ahead, call for help, cry all you want but Ren has no idea you’re here and has no idea where to look, that is until Rose tells him. This is my special room where I play with most of my toys.” Hux’s hand ripped at my dress until my chemise was exposed. I continued to kick and fight against him, but it felt like it was for naught so I resorted to screaming.

Hux moved me from the wall towards the desk where his soft hands pushed against my tender part of my back forcing me to lay on top, chest down. Hux’s hand traveled to my rear and grabbed my dress then pushed it up towards my back. Hux’s hand left my body for a moment, I heard some kind of rustling and again felt something rub up against my backside. I knew what it had been, I needed to act fast if I were going to escape.

I prayed to every deity known throughout the world and galaxy to save me. My eyes scanned for anything, _anything_ that could save me. Hux’s hand went down to the hem of my chemise, cold air prickled at my exposure. I cried out for Ben over and over until I felt as if my voice would leave my body completely. Hux’s member softly rubbed around my naked bum, hot tears spilled down my face as I slowly started to accept that no one was coming to help me.

A loud crashing came through the door and a mixture of shouting filled my ears. My body couldn’t move from the desk. I had to be imagining my rescue, it had to have been the only way I could cope with what was about to happen. A small warm hand went to my shoulder, immediately I jumped away from it. My back slamming against the wall, white hot pain clouded my eyes until my sight cleared enough to a tear soaked Rose. Her lips were moving but I couldn’t hear what she was saying but if she was here it could mean one thing, I had been saved.

“Sundara, are you alright?” she asked, her voice finally coming in clearer. Sobbing, I nodded and clung to her as if she were the only thing keeping me afloat.

The tears wouldn’t stop and I refused to force them back. My sobs echoed throughout the room and in the hall but I didn’t stop. My back throbbed with a stinging pain, my body felt hot, my head pounded against my skull. Rose remained where she was until my sobbing had ceased a little bit.

“I am so sorry you had to endure that,” she apologized. I shook my head, I wanted to apologize to her instead because she had actually been the one to have gone through it.

“How is she?” Ben’s murmured voice came through the room. My eyes met his face, it had been red, sweat beaded his forehead and some had slipped down the side. I dropped my eyes but stopped at his hands, his knuckles were coated with a bright red liquid - _blood_.

“She’s in shock and she’s most likely going to have some bruising on her arm from the look of it but other than that she’s alright,” Rose informed. “Would you like me to leave you alone with him?” she asked me in a hushed whisper. I nodded and released her from my clenched hands. Without saying a word Rose left the room.

I wanted to look at Ben again but couldn’t. Shamed clothed me like a naked babe being brought into the world for the first time. My body didn’t move from the floor but out of my peripheral Ben lowered himself to the floor close to me.

“I- I’m sorry about the dress,” I whispered, my throat ached at the effort.

“I don’t care about the dress,” Ben spat. “I care about _you_.” My lip bubbled forward warning me of another sob but this one I forced back. “This is all my fault. I shouldn’t have trusted him, I shouldn’t have left you out of my sight then - then none of this would have happened.” A trail of tears slipped down my cheeks. Finding the courage, my sight met with Ben’s whose eyes were colored red and swollen.

“This isn’t your fault, I should’ve told you that I - I didn’t feel comfortable dancing with him. I deserved this for not-”

“Don’t you _dare_ say that _this_ was _your fault_ ,” Ben’s voice hadn’t sounded like that since the first time I had met him. He inched closer towards me, careful not to scare me. “May I hold your hand?” he asked, in a softer tone. Nodding, Ben carefully took my hand into his. “You did nothing wrong, this was all him and he will be punished for it.”

“Are you hurt?” I asked, getting a better look at his bloodied hands. Ben laughed once and shook his head.

“Only you would ask after my well being after being assaulted. Yes, I’m alright, it isn’t my blood,” Ben responded.

“Hux is the one that shot you in the forest.” Ben’s chest rose high before letting out a long sigh.

“I suspected as much, he’s been after my title since we got back from the war but I didn’t think he had the gall to actually kill me but don’t worry about him anymore. You’ll never have to look at him again, I’ve taken care of it,” Ben promised, gently squeezing my hand.

“I-I love you,” I breathed out a shaky sob and moved my sight to his chest. “I meant to say it earlier while we were dancing but I couldn’t but if you want to go back to the way things were before then I needed to say it now before it’s too late.” Ben’s hardened expression turned to confusion.

“What do you mean?” he asked, maintaining a softness in his tone.

“The reason Hux did what he was going to do is because he said you wanted to marry me and if he ruined me then you wouldn’t want me. I-I-I felt his- his - ag-against me so I’m ba-basically ruined for you,” another wave of sobs ripped through me.

This time Ben scooped what he could of me into his arms and moved me into his lap. My tears dropped on his coat as the grief clawed out of me. Ben’s hand went through my hair and his body slowly rocked me side to side until the tears stopped.

“Sundara Dameron, there is _nothing_ that could’ve happened in here that would deter me from my feelings for you. I love you in ways I didn’t think was possible after Rey and in ways that are deeper than my love for Rey. Now isn’t the time to ask but I do intend on asking you to marry me - not because there’s a possibility that your father might not return but because I don’t want to spend another night where you aren’t my wife. I love you and I will always love you,” Ben declared softly against my head. My eyes were heavy and I had no energy to say it back but something else felt wrong. “Let’s get you to bed, you’ll be sleeping in the room next to mine for the night and I’ll have Mrs.Tano watch over you.” Ben stood up, helping me to my feet. My legs were like mud, collapsing in on themselves, I had no strength. Ben’s warm hand pressed against my cold forehead for a moment.

“Sundara you’re warm, what’s happened?” Ben’s hand went towards my back and a sharp gasp told me that my hunch had been correct. My wounds were infected and possibly too late to heal, I could be dying right now.   
“I thought you said they were healing,” Ben hissed with panic. “I’ll find you the best doctor possible, you aren’t going to die on me tonight,” Ben promised, sweeping my legs out from under me.

A cool breeze washed over my head as Ben rushed around the hallways. Ben’s voice bounced off of the walls but I couldn’t tell what he was saying. My eyes were getting heavier and heavier by the moment. I knew that if I closed them it could mean the end of me but the temptation for rest grew too much before I allowed my body to relax I could’ve sworn that my father stood in the middle of the ballroom. My eyes closed and rest took me under its wing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all, I just wanted to take a moment and say that if you or someone you know has been raped, PLEASE talk to someone. A situation similar to Sundara's happened to me and I didn't talk to anyone because I didn't think it counted as rape and I was messed up for a lot of years because of it. There are hundreds of resources online, but PLEASE PLEASE find some help.


	14. Chapter 14

I could feel a warm light on my body but my eyelids were too heavy to lift and see where it came from. The bed didn’t feel like mine, much too soft, I had to still be in estate. Ben said he was going to put me in the room next to his. _Why was he doing that again?_ My thoughts reflected back on the most recent memories of last night. _Ben and I danced together then Hux...Hux he took me somewhere and- and then..._

My body shot up at the same time that my eyes opened. The panic from the night before came crawling back into my body. The ghost of Hux’s hands were all over my body, I couldn’t breathe. My fingers clawed at my throat but another pair of hands snatched them away and held my hands tightly. Snapping in the direction of the hands that grabbed me, a giant sigh of relief went through me like a ghost.

“Poe,” I smiled before wrapping him in a hug.

“Dara,” he smiled.

“Where’s father?” I asked, pushing him away to see his face.

“He’s home, we’re all home. Father’s just gone out to retrieve what used to be ours.” My hand tightened on his upper arm, gathering a fistful of his shirt in my grip.

“What? How? With what money?” I asked.

“We won a huge game of sabacc before coming home and we’ve almost doubled everything that we lost.”

“That doesn’t make any sense, we had no money after Father left, how was he able to double it. What happened to father anyways?” Poe smirked and shook his head, then placed a hand on my cheek.

“I’ve missed you Sundara but these questions are better suited after you’ve healed.” _Healed._ There had been no pain in my back that I had almost forgotten about it.

“Where’s Ben?” I asked, leaning against my pillow. Poe stood and gave me a quizzical look with brow.

“Who?” he asked. He didn’t know, Ben must not have told them, he must not have told them about us because of me.

“Sorry, I’m still a bit dazed but where’s Lord Ren?” I asked again. Poe’s mouth, brows and eyes contorted in a way that displayed disgust.

“Probably sulking in his mansion that he’s lost the bet,” Poe growled. _We weren’t at the estate_.

“Then where are we?”

Looking past Poe I guess I could’ve deduced that we weren’t at the estate myself. The yellow wallpaper was much too old and weathered for it to be in the estate and the room itself hadn’t been very large. I never thought the other bedrooms at Ren Estate would be the same size as the master but I knew they couldn’t have been this small and rundown. A small breeze carried the scent of the ocean.

“We’re staying at an Inn a few houses down from the store. Speaking of which, I need to run down there and take care of a few things, I shan’t be long,” Poe grabbed his bag and closed the door behind him before I could say anything.

I needed to stand, my legs ached for a stretch plus there was a full length mirror in the corner, perfect for me to examine the lashes on my back. I had to get up slowly, I never asked how long I’d been asleep, had no idea what day it was but from the dizziness it had to have been more than a day.

Once in front of the mirror, I pulled down my chemise and glanced behind me to see the reflection. The swelling and redness had disappeared completely and all that remained were thin lines, remnants of the beating. I had to have been out for a few days at least to see this kind of outcome. Pulling my chemise back up, I went searching for some clothes, I needed to rest yes, but I could do so properly dressed. My gown was nowhere to be seen, no evidence of it ever existing but I wasn’t bothered by it. Seeing it might’ve only made me think of Hux, my body shivered at the thought of that monster. Looking around a little more, I found my simple frock. The one that I had worn when I first went to Ben’s estate. It reminded me of a girl I no longer knew, a girl who hated the man I love, a girl, an innocent girl who knew almost nothing. I slipped the frock over my body as a hurried knock echoed.

“Come in!” I shouted, smoothing out my nest like curls. The door swung open; standing there in a large black cloak was a disheveled Ben in my doorway. “Ben,” I smiled, leaping into his arms, hands reaching towards his face. His eyes were pink with exhaustion, his under-eye were heavy with bags but his smile was all I needed to know that he was okay. Ben used his one free hand to close the door behind us.

“I would’ve been here but they wouldn’t let me,” he breathed into my shoulder.

“I figured that they wouldn’t, but you didn’t tell them about us,” I acknowledged, pushing away from him to see his face so I could see the answer in his expression.

“I know that their opinion matters to you so I wanted to wait until you were better then we could do it together.” My heart could’ve burst with the love I had for him, I pushed my lips to his.

“How did you know I was alone?” I asked. Ben smirked at himself and glanced towards the window.

“I have a ship docked right in front of the Inn so I waited until I saw both your father and brother leave.” I laughed once before going back to his gaze. Ben’s eyes were red and a few tears fell down to his face, he wrapped me in a hug once more. “I’m so glad that you’re alright. I had no idea if you had survived. I had to send Mrs.Tano with your clothes to find any information. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I had lost you,” his voice shook. I couldn’t put together a response because I didn’t know what Ben would’ve done either but hoped that he wouldn’t revert back to his old ways.

“Ben I love you, I know the last time I said I was close to dying but I wanted to say it again and I want to say it every day.” Ben took both his hands and placed them gently on my cheeks and planted a short and sweet kiss on my lips.

“I love you,” he responded in a hushed whisper. A pair of loud shoes echoed through the hallway, my eyes grew out of fear and I jumped out of Ben’s arms and folded my arms across my chest.

“Sundara, we’re leaving. Get dressed as fast as you-” Poe opened the door and stared at the two of us.

Poe went into defensive mode and put a wall between Ben and I. I didn’t know what words I could say, my mind went blank and my tongue dry.

“You have some nerve coming here. After _everything_ you’ve put us through, you think that you can just waltz in here and terrorize us more?” Poe hissed.

“Poe it’s not like that he just wanted-”

“You don’t have to defend him, he isn’t your master anymore. Our debts have been paid in full, he has no right to barge in here,” Poe growled at me.

“Don’t worry Mr.Dameron, I mean no ill will, I simply wanted to make sure that Miss Dameron had healed alright. I’ll be on my way.” Ben flashed a look over to me before stepping backwards out of the door.

“I’m sorry,” I mouthed, Ben nodded and closed the door. Poe turned on his heels, placing his hands on my shoulders.

“Are you alright, did he hurt you?” Poe asked.

“Of course not, he saved me from dying.” Poe nodded unconvinced.

“Oh is that what he told you,” he answered dryly. “When we made it back to Alderaan we went straight to the estate to save you. When we got there, we saw him holding you in his arms, your arm was bruised and your dress ripped; father and I could’ve only imagined what happened. We almost killed him right there but he told us that you needed a doctor straight away. He wanted us to _stay_ at the estate - probably so he could charge us for the trouble. We denied and took you straight here where a doctor had already been staying, thank the goddess. We-we almost lost you,” Poe’s voice deflated into a whisper.

“How long was I asleep for?” I asked, matching his quiet tone. Poe made eye contact with me, his eyes pink with emotion.

“A week.” _A week... Ben hadn’t slept for a week nor had my father and brother for that matter_. A sigh exited my mouth and I put a hand on Poe’s face.

“I’m alright now, better than alright. I want to see father.”

“He’s downstairs, waiting for you,” Poe smiled. Returning the smile, I left Poe’s embrace and raced out of the room and outside. There my father stood with an unkept beard and long hair but those twinkling brown eyes could never have been mistaken for anyone else. Tears slipped down my face as our bodies connected and clung to one another.

“Oh my darling girl,” father sobbed. “Let’s get you home.”


	15. Chapter 15

Life went back to normal or at least how it went before Ben and everything. Everyone around me acted as if nothing had happened. Father went back to trading and sailing but he refused to do business with Ben. Poe assumed the role of owner of the store, father thought it was time that he have some responsibility and make a living for himself. I went back to helping people but I would never be the same girl who lived for being doted on by her father.

Ben and I never saw each other - publicly. Once in a while we would meet in the clearing but it wasn’t for very long. He was busy trying to find Hux, who had disappeared after the ball. All we were really left with were letters, and for a while it had been perfect, I liked the idea of having a secret from my father and brother but it quickly grew to be exhausting. I wanted to be with Ben, formally, publicly forever.

Sitting at my writing desk, with an empty sheet of paper and an ink filled pen, I took deep breaths. This letter needed to be worded perfectly and writing it meant that there would be no going back. Ben assured me in his letters that my father wouldn’t hate me forever and that he’d eventually come around, once he saw how happy I was.

_Darling Ben,_

_I’m ready. I need a few days to pack a few belongings and to find a way to_ _tell my father and brother but I’m ready to be with you forever and beyond. If you’re ready too then meet me in the clearing this Friday by noon._

_Forever yours,_

_Sundara._

Not wasting any time I hurried to the post master and had him make sure that the letter got sent that day. My soul was lighter, breathing was easier, all the colors were more vivid than they were a few days ago. This is what being in love was like and I never wanted to feel any other way ever again.

Two days had passed and I hadn’t received a reply. Worry set in, _maybe he finally changed his mind about me. Maybe this had all really been a game and only now had I realized it. No, no the things we feel couldn’t be faked, he’s probably just busy being a Lord and all_. I had calmed my nerves enough to put a few more things in bags before strutting off to the library. I needed a distraction from my own thoughts.

Opening the door, the figure of my father sitting behind his desk, scribbling away gave me a small wave of sadness. Tomorrow this vision of love and peace would disappear. My body slouched against the door frame, taking in every single cell of my contented father. It hadn’t been long until he looked up at me and smiled.

“What are you gawking at my dear?” father asked softly. Pushing off the door frame, I walked behind my father and placed my hands on his shoulders.

“Nothing, it’s just nice to see you so contented is all.” Father set down his pen and leaned back against his chair.

“I am more than content, everything is perfect,” he mused, taking one of my hands and pressing it against his lips. “However, I sense that something is missing for you.” Was I truly this transparent?

“Nothing that I can’t find on my own,” I answered with a smile. Father stared at me in silence for a long time before saying anything else.

“Well I hope you do find it and in the meantime, I have a surprise for you,” father teased, standing on his feet and away from his chair.

“What?” I asked. Father chuckled but shook his head.

“I’ll tell you tomorrow morning,” he promised. My eyes lit up and a hard thumping came from my chest. Had Ben talked with father, did he know that we plan on marrying, did he approve?

“Ah, that’s the happy girl I missed. Go wash for dinner and don’t ask any questions about your surprise or you’ll have to wait an additional day.” Wrapping my arms around his neck and planting a kiss on his cheek, I bounced out of the library.

It all made sense now why Ben hadn’t responded. He had spoken with Father and somehow convinced him that we loved each other and that me being happy was more important than his hate for Lord Ren. I couldn’t eat, the only thing that I wanted to do was sleep and get an early start on the best day of my life.

Even lying in bed, excitement coursed through me, preventing sleep to come. I went towards my window and watched the lights in town go dark and the stars shine brighter. Even further I could see the Ren Estate but all the lights were dark, not that would’ve mattered because Ben’s room didn’t even face the town, it faced the woods. After spending an hour staring outside I finally retired to my bed where sleep graced me with its presence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is so short but it made sense to stop here BUT I am writing the next chapter as we speak and it should be up in the next couple hours or so. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	16. Chapter 16

Deciding what to wear on the best day of your life turned out to be quite the trial. I could easily dress in something fancy and romantic since we weren’t meeting in the forest any longer. I dug through my closet until I found the ball gown that Ben had gifted to me on our last night together. I didn’t know how it could’ve gotten here, I didn’t put it there. All too fast the memories of that room and Hux came flooding in. Every muscle clenched in on itself and my hands started to shake so hard that the dress fell out of my grip. Dizziness came next, thankfully my bed had been close by so I could sit. I had to regain control of my breathing or else I really would pass out. Deep breaths came in through my nose and shook out of my mouth. I could still feel the ghost of his member sliding up and down on my backside. Clenching my fists, I focused on my breathing and pictured Ben. I refused to let that snake of a man control me any longer. When I did gain full control of myself, I kicked the dress under my bed.

“Dara, please come down!” Father's voice echoed. Excitement surged through me and the idea of the perfect outfit left my mind. I had time to decide what to wear later. Slipping into my robe I walked down stairs, calmly and head held high.

Walking into our dining room, I spotted father sitting at the head of the table. Maintaining my excitement, I walked over and sat next to him as food appeared before me. Father had his nose in the paper. I cleared my voice to catch his attention but he ignored me. It was clear that he was teasing me.

“Father, stop teasing. I’m ready for the surprise,” I begged, rustling in my seat. Father bent the paper down and a coy smile played on his lips.

“Oh alright, I’ll tell you.” Father moved closer to take my hands into his. “Sundara, I know that it’s been a difficult time for you these last couple of months and I know that you’ve been feeling down. At first I blamed myself for it but then it was brought to my attention that you fell in love with a particular someone while at the Ren Estate, is that correct?” My heart beamed and I squeezed father’s hands tighter.

“It’s true and you aren’t angry?” I asked, cautiously. Father smiled and laughed while shaking his head.

“Angry? My daughter is in love, there’s no reason to be angry about that. I do have to confess that I find your choice a little odd considering the circumstances of how you two became close but after he told me the story of how he saved you from being attacked, I knew I couldn’t refuse him.” Leaping out of my seat, I wrapped my arms around his neck and planted repetitive kisses on his cheeks.

“Oh father, I’m so relieved. We’ve been keeping it secret for so long because I was afraid of how you’d react but I’m so happy that you’ve chosen to see past your hate for my sake!”

“My dear girl I never hated General Hux.” My heart plummeted to the pit of my stomach. I stood up and away from my father, brows pressed together.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“I said, I’ve never hated General Hux, don’t know where you got that idea. No matter it’s all been settled, General Hux will be here in a few hours to formally offer a marriage proposal.” I shook my head and backed away until my lower back ran into another small table set against the wall.

“No, no, no, no, no father you didn’t,” I pleaded softly.

“Dara, what’s wrong, I thought you’d be happy - you were a moment ago. Who did you think I was talking about?”

“Father you don’t understand. _Hux_ is the one that attacked me, he almost _raped_ me.” My voice grew more and more shrill with each word.

“No, it can’t be. Armitage came by the docks and told me the truth that the beast that is Lord Ren had attacked and brainwashed you into thinking that it was him that you loved and not Hux.”

“No father, Hux is _lying_! He’s the reason I was whipped, he did it himself because I was trying to save Ahsoka from him. _He’s_ the one who attacked me, Ben and Rose saved me.” Words poured out of my mouth.

“Ben?” father asked with a disapproving raised brow.

“Yes, Ben, Lord Kylo Ren. _He’s_ the one I love, I thought you were talking about him.” My voice slowed to a normal pace. Father’s nose flared and he shook his head, his fist came crashing down on the table, making my body jump.

“That beast has taken _everything_ away from me. I will _not_ let him take you away from me again,” he snarled.

“Ben hasn’t taken anything away from you. I know you told Poe and I that Ben had some gang ambush you and not that I believe that one bit but the point is, if you had gotten back on the ship with those silks then none of this would’ve happened.” Father marched towards me with an outstretched finger.

“You watch your tone with me girl,” he growled. Chest heaving I refused to back down, he didn’t scare me, for now only one person did and my hand was unwillingly promised to him.

“I’m getting dressed and then I’m leaving. Ben is meeting me in a secret place and together we’ll be married. I hope one day you’ll look past your anger and hate just as Ben has so we can reconcile,” I explained with calmness, leaving the dining room.

“I doubt that,” father added dryly. I stopped but I wouldn’t look at him. “Hux found a letter from Ben coming here and told us what the letter said. Your brother is on his way to the clearing to avenge your honor. He’ll be dead within the hour.” I couldn’t tell if he told me to either help me or to gloat but it didn’t matter. I maintained my calm until I was out of his sight and ran towards the stables. There wouldn’t be time for a pretty dress.

My body heaved itself on top of Ahsoka with no saddle or reins. With my fingers entwined in her mane, I pushed her towards the forest, with any luck I’d get there before Poe did and be able to warn Ben. Ahsoka slowed toward the edge of the clearing with the struggle between two men could be heard. My sight landed on an angry Poe, swinging a sword and Ben fighting against him. I pushed Ahsoka forward, this time crying out for the fighting to stop but nothing helped. Pulling Ahsoka to a stop, I leapt off her back and went straight for Ben; Poe wouldn’t dream of killing me.

“Poe stop! You don’t understand!” I cried. Poe finally looked my way, sweat poured down the sides of his face.

“Stay right there Dara, I’ll handle this. I’ll make sure this beast never hurts you again.”

“Hurt _her_?” Ben growled, pushing Poe back with his sword. “I have never, would never and _will_ never hurt her,” Ben added.

My eyes scanned the clearing, looking for anything that could stop them but resources were limited in the middle of nowhere. There weren’t even actual rocks, just pebbles and those wouldn’t do much in the way of stopping a fight. I hated to be dramatic but there hadn’t been any other option.

Taking a deep breath I walked straight towards the two swords, sooner or later they would stop. Ben was the first to pause so I stood in front of him and Poe had the edge of his sword pointed at the center of my chest.

“Stop it, _now_ ,” I ordered. “Poe, I love you and I’ll always love you but you have got to let go of the past. I know what Hux told you and father but he’s lying. Hux is the one who tried to assault me, he’s the reason I got sick. Ben isn’t the beast you think he is - not anymore. He’s kind, gentle, smart, funny, I’m in love with him.”

“No, no he’s brainwashed you,” Poe sneered, directing the point of his sword towards Ben.

“How can he brainwash me? He’s been nothing but kind to you and father since you’ve returned. Father refused to do business with him and he didn’t argue, he offered to let me heal in his estate. He came to make sure that I was alright, where’s the brainwashing?” Poe opened his mouth then shut it again. “You don’t have to like it and just like father I hope one day you can accept it but I’m in love with Ben and I’m going to marry him the moment he asks me.”

“I think not,” the nasaled voice that would haunt me forever came crawling towards us with another sword out and ready for a deadly blow. Ben immediately grabbed my arm and pulled me behind him.

“Armitage, stop this, you’ve lost and you’re going to be punished for it by the fullest extent of the law,” Ben’s voice had a surprising authoritative calm to it.

“I will do _anything_ if it means that you lose! I’m going to finish the job I started in the forest, marry the girl you love and finally have everything I _deserve_!” Hux swung down on Ben and another fight ensued. Hux had been an unpredictably accomplished swordsmen, just as good as Ben. One wrong move and it’d be the end of mine and Ben’s story. I had to help but I couldn’t figure out how, I had never held a sword before so it wouldn’t do any good but I had one last card I could play.

“Poe,” I started. Poe, who had remained motionless throughout this ordeal, had finally looked at me. “Poe, please don’t let Hux kill him. You heard it yourself that he’s been after Ben’s title and life. Poe please, I love him,” I begged, this time tears rolled down my cheeks. Poe’s face and eyes were closed off from me; there hadn’t been a single hint of his intentions.

Hux had started to get the upper hand with slicing at Ben’s upper arm, forcing him to switch to his less dominant hand. My voice had started to run raw with the pleading and begging for Hux to stop and for Poe to help. Ben glanced over to me, worry set in his own eyes, as if he knew that he wouldn’t be able to hang on much longer. Hux managed another blow but this time it was behind Ben’s knee. With a cry, Ben fell to both of his knees, another cry came from me as I crawled to Ben but he shook his head.

“And now cousin,” Hux panted. “I shall end this once and for all.” Hux raised his sword above his head. I kept my eyes trained on Ben’s with tears coating my face.

“I love you,” Ben mouthed. A sob ripped through me as I reached for his hand.

A sharp squish sound echoed throughout the clearing but it hadn’t come from Hux’s sword. Instead Poe stood behind Hux with his own sword buried in his back. Hux’s face contorted from anger to confusion to blank as he fell and slid off of Poe’s sword.

Ben and I looked at one another but I didn’t hesitate in crawling into his embrace while tears flowed freely down my face. Ben’s face was littered with dirt, sweat, blood and a messy mop of hair to match. Pulling him up a little I smiled, relieved.

“Ben,” I sighed, touching his face. For the briefest moment we stared at each other, as if communicating silently. Suddenly our lips connected and all was right in the world, all was safe and happy.

When we parted, Ben smiled the same smile that left lines in his cheeks and sighed. His eyes went towards Poe.

“Thank you,” he breathed.

“I didn’t do it for you. I did it for Dara and if I get so much as a whisper that you’ve hurt her I won’t be merciful,” Poe promised.

“Agreed,” Ben responded. Before Poe turned to leave, he stared at me long and hard, making sure that this is what I wanted. Smiling, I nodded and watched him leaving the clearing.

“Let’s get you back to the house and tend to those wounds,” I suggested, helping Ben to his feet.

“Wait, just a moment,” he pulled against my hand.

“What?” Ben grimaced as he pulled one knee up and used his other hand to grab something out of his pocket.

“Sundara Dameron, I’m in love with you and I’m going to be in love with you for forever and beyond, will you please be my wife?” he asked, pulling out a brilliantly intricate ring.

“Of course,” I whispered, leaning down to kiss him quickly. Ben slipped the ring onto my finger and stood up. I never thought that I’d get engaged while wearing my nightgown and my hair untamed but it was magical all the same. With Ben I had true freedom, I didn’t need to hide who I was, I didn’t need to be anyone else but me and he loved me for it. That’s all anyone can really want, to be seen and loved for who we are.

The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you. Thank you so much for reading my little novella, I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing it.


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